Novelty Finder Pillows

'Oh wow! They're got brown pottery, stained glass sun catchers and cows cut out of plywood!'

"We found the poor thing stranded on the beach last summer and decided to adopt it."

"Don't worry about your purchase not working. Everything we sell here is totally non-functional."

Dog Walking Services

"I warned you not to use that club...now look, you struck oil!"

King Henry and his Cheshire bride

Not to be a motion picture. Will remain just a book.

Turd - 'It's one of a kind.'

'Frank built it himself. The last football will fall through the hourglass 10 seconds before the Super Bowl starts.'

Raincloud Umbrella

'What clan do you belong to?'

'I'm so bored - nothing ever happens around here!'

Crap from the future.

Advocado

'You're a genius, Hoppy!'

Hay Rides $10

Cloning Dept. Ooh! She's got your eyes and nose, mouth...

Useless add-ons.

A man is trying to play golf with a football boot attached to a stick.

'Half-baked beans, low fat variety' "Who says we have no taste?"

Clyde in his 'egg-beater.'

Cash Machines From Across the Land

'Sorry, Frank, I know this is your favourite lake, but I just can't eat fish who smoke cigarettes.'

"So, do you want balls that only go up, or ones that only go down?"

Peel poker.

"This new phone app for opening the beer is great, Bruce!"

'No, I didn't know it was hunting season - why do you ask?'

Bathroom Fairy

'Don't you think it's just a little weird to have a cemetery for houseplants?!'

"Well - I've either bought a pack of table napkins, or adopted a Siberian tiger cub..."

Electronics: Nooks/Crannies

An experimentalist alarms his guests by describing the appearance of the mushrooms in a dish they have just eaten.

'Tell your mom you coughed it up and you're guaranteed a day off from school.'

Mohammad's motors

"I'm still not sure if we've hired a creative genius or a complete cretin."