Nostalgic Sports Fan Gifts

'Dad, I don't mind you living vicariously through my sports. But do I have to wear your old uniform?'

"What do you say, Dad—want to hack a few?"

"I don't think your old sports jersey shrunk. I think you grew."

'In 1959 it was, took his only penalty - missed.'

'Maybe we shouldn't talk about sports.'

The young Tiger Woods lists the months.

'I guess it's progress of a kind. They used to destroy entire continents; now it's just us!'

"You've still got it Joao."

'This new game isn't working out -- the ball keeps running away.'

Senior Jeopardy!

"Where do you remember last seeing your glasses?"

Remarkable run-ups 1890-1940

'Welcome to Heaven. By the way, here's your favorite club you lost on that course 28 years ago.'

"Great news! Jim at work's promised to lend me all his World Cup DVDs"

"Me, a footballer. . ?"

Football fans discuss a deceased manager: A giant, a legend, much loved. Didn't we sack him?

Crap others threw out

The Wright Brothers' First Flyer

Suzanne Lenglen

Angels making snow humans

"I washed my kilt last night , now I can't do a fling with it!"

I got my bad back from an old football injury.

You're not a little girl anymore

'I finally memorized my social security number.'

'I was a multi-millionaire back when it meant something.'

Indians Smoke Signals.

Jack-in-the-box reads 'It's almost March again!'

The Professionals.

Jack Johnson

"It's not the tossing, it's the catching of the caber that separates the men from the boys."

The boys and I decided to get revenge on Congress by buying their web browsing histories. What "boys"? You have "boys," Mort? Of course. Every week I get together with fellow WWII and Korean War Vets, and we play poker, watch "Three Stooges" movie reels ... plot to retake government from the younger stupider generations ... There was a whole lot of stupidity in your generation's leaders too, Mort. Yes ... but our stupidity was a lot classier.

Is there anything wrong, doctor? I thought drum solos went out with the 1960s.

Late Night TV

Post Office. Personnel. If we get the job, do we get a letter sweater?

Mr. Tater Tot