Nostalgic For The Stage Gifts

'She was a great ballerina in her day.'

Paul goes home for the holidays

The GODFATHER Ride 25¢

'I'm being punished. Nothing even remotely electronic for two weeks.'

'They were going to get married when they were young, but he kept forgetting the wedding date!'

'I hope it's fixed soon. I miss the convenience and friendly beep.'

"The record player is skipping again."

Bertie Wooster type teaching a parrot to talk

Geriatrics clinic: 'Wine, women and song, Doc! But not swashbuckling too!'

"I thought you might like to hear how my love-making sounded when I was a younger man."

It was owned by a little old lady who could make a decision faster than you.

"Coot. How many times has he said that?"

'Remind me again darling - what were we just arguing about?'

No assembly required.

'Don't worry about communications being offline ... we kept on Old Stoney from the Pony Express.'

'I'm glad I'm past the adorable stage. That was a lot of pressure!'

"I like Al Gore just fine – if only he weren't such a constant reminder that, for me, vaudeville is dead."

Count Mario Franzelli hadn't really grasped what a playboy did.

"Ah, the innocence of youth. Enjoy it while it lasts."

"Sell all my stocks and buy lots of old comic books instead!"

'They're still waiting for Godot.'

"I just want to meet an old fashioned woman who still believes in using fax machines."

Kid to kid: 'I had my sentence reduced to a couple of hours in my room.'

Legend has it that John Dillinger and his cronies would often hide out in small Indiana lake towns, trying to blend in with the locals.

Boy doesn't want a kiss from his aunt

Digital FM - "I miss the old hiss and crackle!"

It's a great idea Movember, but it never would have worked in the 80s.

I'm calling it the home entertainment centre.

We arrive unexpected at Mr. Peggotty's fireside