Nostalgic For The Stage T-Shirts

'She was a great ballerina in her day.'

Paul goes home for the holidays

The GODFATHER Ride 25¢

'They were going to get married when they were young, but he kept forgetting the wedding date!'

'I'm being punished. Nothing even remotely electronic for two weeks.'

'I hope it's fixed soon. I miss the convenience and friendly beep.'

"Son, I've asked Mr. Puffer to instruct you on the finer points of classical as your new tooter."

"The record player is skipping again."

Bertie Wooster type teaching a parrot to talk

Geriatrics clinic: 'Wine, women and song, Doc! But not swashbuckling too!'

"I thought you might like to hear how my love-making sounded when I was a younger man."

'Shoot, son, if you work real hard and stick to it, I reckon you can grow up to impersonate anyone you want.'

It was owned by a little old lady who could make a decision faster than you.

"Coot. How many times has he said that?"

'Tommy and Billy have been inseparable since birth. You don't always find that in a placenta.'

'Remind me again darling - what were we just arguing about?'

No assembly required.

'Don't worry about communications being offline ... we kept on Old Stoney from the Pony Express.'

'I'm glad I'm past the adorable stage. That was a lot of pressure!'

Body Hair Club For Men

Count Mario Franzelli hadn't really grasped what a playboy did.

Errol Flynn.

"Ah, the innocence of youth. Enjoy it while it lasts."

"I like Al Gore just fine – if only he weren't such a constant reminder that, for me, vaudeville is dead."

"Sell all my stocks and buy lots of old comic books instead!"

'They're still waiting for Godot.'

Kid to kid: 'I had my sentence reduced to a couple of hours in my room.'

Legend has it that John Dillinger and his cronies would often hide out in small Indiana lake towns, trying to blend in with the locals.

"I just want to meet an old fashioned woman who still believes in using fax machines."

Boy doesn't want a kiss from his aunt

Digital FM - "I miss the old hiss and crackle!"

It's a great idea Movember, but it never would have worked in the 80s.

I can't believe it's come to his. I'll be glad to give you candy when you're off your cell phone.

We arrive unexpected at Mr. Peggotty's fireside

Early Days In Birthday Game Invention. . .