Nostalgic Entertainer Gifts

"Son, I've asked Mr. Puffer to instruct you on the finer points of classical as your new tooter."

"Jack Daniels-in-a-box"

'It's worse than we thought: You've got termites.'

"We've intended to ask you about it for some time, Doctor, but never got around to it."

"Grandpa's not tech savvy. If I want to unfriend someone, I say, 'I don't like you anymore' to their face."

'You used to make love to me like a Flying Scotsman, now you're more like a Puffing Billy!'

Man hitting a TV and going out of focus himself.

"Hi Mom...do you remember in which grade I was given an award for my excellent performance of the song about little ducks?"

Mr Briggs's Pleasures of Horsekeeping - No. X.

Old Man Journal

Old cold warriors home: 'By god, I'll tell you who was soft on communism. . .'

'I must admit, this family reunion hasn't really lived up to my expectations.'

"It also doubles as a karaoke machine."

"When I was a little girl...my mami had really good remedies for our aches and pains."

Wow. You're amazing!

'Humph! When I was your age, I had to do my homework in front of a black and white.'

"I saw Mummy Kissing The Mil..."

"This house has been in my family for a considerable period of time."

Every time I get a postcard from your brother, I regret that I carved him out of driftwood.

'Sorry, Bobo. With all the e-mailed jokes today, office clowns are passe.'

Geriatrics clinic: 'Wine, women and song, Doc! But not swashbuckling too!'

"Police dramas just aren't what they used to be."

'Shoot, son, if you work real hard and stick to it, I reckon you can grow up to impersonate anyone you want.'

"It was a long afternoon with granddad. I got five 'I remember whens' and three 'When I was your age...'."

'It's really nothing - Looks like baby boomer age spots.'

"And now, with our own unique version of the cole porter classic. . ."

Homer

"Your room is exactly as you left it."

Mom's high school diary really cracked everyone up at Show and Tell.

"DOES YOUR DAD ALWAYS GO ON ABOUT SOME STUFF THAT DOESN'T GROW ON TREES."

"They don't play Mummies and Daddies these days-now its Wife Swappies!"

"Honey! Remember when we first met and you used to nibble my ear?"

'My 70th...hmmm.. that's shelter, food and sex out of the way. I guess it's time to move on to life's next challenge; mastery over my environment.'

"Now when I was a lad..."

'I used to have women lined up. Married, unmarried - it didn't matter. Ah, forget it. Another round. Skim.'