Nonsense Humor Fans Gifts

"My hands—as you can see—are tiny and made of porcelain, so let's be careful."

"This is a lovely old song that tells of a young woman who leaves her cottage, and goes off to work. She arrives at her destination, and places some solid NHHS in a flask containing 0.50 atm ofammonia, and attempts to determine the pressures of ammonia and hydrogen sulide when equilibrium is reached."

'Why don't they make thumb-flavored baby food?'

'Yes, I know there's a deadline on this project.'

"So, tell me a little bit more about this house training you mention on your CV."

'Wow, the field really is a frozen tundra!'

'It's a difficult job, he needed a bigger than average 'stress ball'.'

"Hue More Church Candlelight mass 7:00pm - 8:00pm"

'I don't like heights...maybe that's why I've had so many low points in my life.'

"Well, I'm thinking about boarding school. Though I'm not sure they accept adults."

'I'm keeping a scrap book. All I've got so far is one umbilical cord.'

"I know this is not a proper job for a PhD, Mom, but I have student loans to repay."

"They're comfortable."

Retirement homes' 'pill fight'.

Tunnel of Love/Lover's Leap.

Ahh! The sounds of nature! Peep peep. Tweet tweet! Twitter. Croak croak. Sniff sniff. Ribbit. Human nature. Twitter twitter. Tippity tap tap. Cackle cackle! Bleep bleep.

Man enters a palm reading establishment carrying a tropical plant.

Unemotional Support Animal

Dickens & Tolstoy Walk into a Bar: " . . . so, to make a short story long . . . "

A small number of people are afraid of heights, but there is an epidemic fear of widths.

"I can never remember - do these go in garbage or compost?"

Through the Looking Glass - Queen Alice with Frog

"Yeah, I don't like this part either."

Mister Bundles VS. The Martians - Part Twenty Six

Stairlift around cliff face.

Thrift: have your arms and legs amputated, use a pillow for a bed!

"Darling... I think the Baby's been eating the fridge magnets again."

"Consider yourself lucky that you only got a little shaken up in that dryer--socks get lost in that thing and aren't ever seen again.'

"Congratulations. It's a chick."

"She wishes to range free!"

'I love it when you spoon me.' 'I love it when you fork me.'

'Don't be alarmed if you hear the toilet flush a lot. Since you don't feel well, I thought I'd wash the dishes for you.'

'In my time, we didn't talk to a blackberry. We just ate the damn things!'

How Amazon was invented

'I'm sure that the autopsy will confirm it was a suicide.'