Nonsense Humor Fans Pillows

"My hands—as you can see—are tiny and made of porcelain, so let's be careful."

"This is a lovely old song that tells of a young woman who leaves her cottage, and goes off to work. She arrives at her destination, and places some solid NHHS in a flask containing 0.50 atm ofammonia, and attempts to determine the pressures of ammonia and hydrogen sulide when equilibrium is reached."

'Why don't they make thumb-flavored baby food?'

'Yes, I know there's a deadline on this project.'

"So, tell me a little bit more about this house training you mention on your CV."

'Wow, the field really is a frozen tundra!'

'It's a difficult job, he needed a bigger than average 'stress ball'.'

"Hue More Church Candlelight mass 7:00pm - 8:00pm"

'I don't like heights...maybe that's why I've had so many low points in my life.'

"Well, I'm thinking about boarding school. Though I'm not sure they accept adults."

"I know this is not a proper job for a PhD, Mom, but I have student loans to repay."

"They're comfortable."

'I'm keeping a scrap book. All I've got so far is one umbilical cord.'

"Consider yourself lucky that you only got a little shaken up in that dryer--socks get lost in that thing and aren't ever seen again.'

"Darling... I think the Baby's been eating the fridge magnets again."

Through the Looking Glass - Queen Alice with Frog

A small number of people are afraid of heights, but there is an epidemic fear of widths.

Dickens & Tolstoy Walk into a Bar: " . . . so, to make a short story long . . . "

Unemotional Support Animal

Man enters a palm reading establishment carrying a tropical plant.

Thrift: have your arms and legs amputated, use a pillow for a bed!

"Congratulations. It's a chick."

"Yeah, I don't like this part either."

"I can never remember - do these go in garbage or compost?"

Stairlift around cliff face.

"She wishes to range free!"

'Don't be alarmed if you hear the toilet flush a lot. Since you don't feel well, I thought I'd wash the dishes for you.'

King on the toilet whilst jester laughs because the toilet paper is out of reach.

6,000 BC: Neolithic Barbecue

"...And that's how to translate honey into money."