Nonna's Kitchen Apprentice T-Shirts

"But Nonno made them specially for you, princess."

Lady using paint roller as rolling pin for baking dough.

Two books: 'The Joy of Cooking' next to 'The Joy of Dieting'.

'I ran out of sugar, so I used salt.'

Peter Pan, the Utensil that Never Grew Up

Lockdown casserole

'As a surprise I thought I'd give the new cookbook a try tonight.'

"I've combined a laxative and alphabet soup. I call it 'Letter Rip!'"

"An untested recipe. An uncalibrated oven. Substituted ingredients. And yet, the cake...the cake is...magnificent!"

'Note to self: Like coffee, homemade coffee wine should be available in decaf, too.'

'I don't think that's what they mean by reducing the wine.'

"Can you turn these mashed potatoes into french fries?"

"It's time you took a vacation, John. I said to 'marinate'... not 'palpate' the liver!"

Husband bakes a pie

Making healthy substitutions at mealtime

"When I was young, we personally prepared all the food for each and every meal!"

'Mary had a little lamb - with mint jelly.'

"Impressive, yes, but what exactly is a black belt in cookery?"

'Preparing rocket salad isn't domestic science, ladies.'

'Six different chefs in six months and they still can't make a decent broth!'

"I don’t know, Margaret. She looks like the type who makes exotic stuffings."

'Mom! Dad's eating my science fair project!'

"I think the 'Exotic Recipe' diet will make me lose weight. I'm running all over town trying to find the ingredients!"

'So, in room 1 we sweat them. 2 is for grilling, 3 is for roasting. We leave them to simmer in room 4...'

"Was there a photo in the recipe book? I'd love to see what it's meant to look like."

"Gigot de sept heures."

'We call it the 'Tomato Surprise' because the chef tinkered with the DNA a little.'

Tzatzikicicle

Will work for Food Network.

'I'm writing a vegetarian cook book.'

'I couldn't find my measuring cups, so I had to kind of wing it with the stuffing.'

'What a day! - the computer broke down, and I had to cook manually!'

"What the heck did I do with that leftover turkey?!"

'I had the recipe upside down, so it's beefed corn.'

"More helium."