Kitchen Sleuth T-Shirts

"What the heck did I do with that leftover turkey?!"

'So, in room 1 we sweat them. 2 is for grilling, 3 is for roasting. We leave them to simmer in room 4...'

'We must be 50,000 calories away from home by now.'

"It's been redacted to produce our sauces."

The Huge-Underground Vat theory of why all wonton soup tastes exactly the same.

'Another sad case of an over dose on uncut sugar cereal.'

"...I should have seen it coming...The busboys, the waiters, the dishwashers, the maitre d', all stealing shrimp, caviar, lobster, but ah, the strawberries, that's where I had them?"

A man with a sign that reads "Secret of my chili $1".

Oil Spill: 'Oh dear! That was the last of our extra virgin.'

'I have a bad feeling about this place, Watson... and I smell a rat!'

'This is not Hungarian stew.' 'We ran out of Hungarians.'

Horse meat scandal.

'There's something wrong with the slow cooker. I check it every minute but nothing's cooking!'

'I see you have been mopping the floor while I was out. Are you doing this to be nice or disposing of evidence?'

'You're lucky you can't read.'

'It appears that 'reduced fat' means high fat, 'lo-fat' means plenty of fat, and 'fat-free' means some fat.'

'Police. We have reason to believe you've been hacking into your neighbor's computers and stealing their recipes.'

'We don't want your business; we just want the recipe.'

Guess Where Your Dinner Is?

'There's a lamb chop in my soup.' - 'Oh, that's where it got to. It belongs to table six.'

CIA Cafeteria: 'It's nice of you to ask, but the recipe is classified.'

The Ghost of Food

"Apparently, some of the additives cause a nerve disorder, but others cure it."

"It's called The Pastry Shop Mystery. A real Whodoughnut."

'Waiter, there are no vowels in my alphabet soup!'

'I can't believe you cooked this all by yourself...you must have had an accomplice!'

Dad was widely regarded as being unsuitable for younger viewers.

'What's affordable tonight?'

'Well, SURE our customers want more nutritional information, but what about OUR privacy?'

"The secret was in the sauce."

'What choice do we have? She knows too much.'

'C'mon, Bill, LOOK at the evidence! A fabulous home-made crust, fresh apples, raisins, gourmet vanilla ice cream, and no sign of a struggle. This guy was definitely killed by kindness!'

'Yes, sir... Thanks to Officer Parker's self-made cake, we got the guy!'

Police Cooking.

"It's from the NSA. They've accidentally deleted that risotto recipe. Can you send it again?"