Food Sleuth T-Shirts

'It appears that 'reduced fat' means high fat, 'lo-fat' means plenty of fat, and 'fat-free' means some fat.'

"...I should have seen it coming...The busboys, the waiters, the dishwashers, the maitre d', all stealing shrimp, caviar, lobster, but ah, the strawberries, that's where I had them?"

"I'll have the Investigator's Special."

"First Lady Lettuce goes missing, then Colonel Crouton followed by Reginald Radish... Great Caesar's Ghost! Someone is making a salad!"

'Notice how with truth in packaging requirements all the labels begin with ‘OMG!''

"And how is last week's tilapia tonight?"

"Well, son. . . here your dad makes the famous 'fresh from nature' food!"

"It's been redacted to produce our sauces."

"My parents won't allow sugar in the house, so I've had to learn about it on the street."

'So, in room 1 we sweat them. 2 is for grilling, 3 is for roasting. We leave them to simmer in room 4...'

"And that's where hot dogs come from."

Diets: Sweets and Biscuits.

'Are you the guy who put gluten in the bread?'

GM Crops Genie.

A man with a sign that reads "Secret of my chili $1".

"How 'local' is the fish?"

'Another sad case of an over dose on uncut sugar cereal.'

'I have a bad feeling about this place, Watson... and I smell a rat!'

"What the heck did I do with that leftover turkey?!"

Horse meat scandal.

Armstrong, an unmarked truck just delivered a pallet of mystery meat. Turkey. It doesn't look like turkey. It looks more like some sort of dehydrated pigeon. What's it matter? If we slap it in a sandwich, smother it in "gravy," and label it "turkey," customers won't know the difference. Wait, did you just think quotes around the word gravy? "no."

"Oh, there will be an investigation!"

"Your chocolate biscuits and cakes are getting smaller - and where's your sweets aisle?"

"Do you have anything with FOOD in it?"

The big break in the case of the missing French Fries: 'But just to make sure, can you have each of them squawk.'

Rat Hair: Peanut Butter Ingredient.

'You're lucky you can't read.'

"Remind me - superfood or carcinogen?"

Sugar-coated riboflavin yellow #5 fructose surbosic-carboblutonic flakes.

'Police. We have reason to believe you've been hacking into your neighbor's computers and stealing their recipes.'

'We don't want your business; we just want the recipe.'

"It's a game changer. . . carrots and hummous batons but we've managed to make them out of sugar."

'OK, remain calm. Who's missing? Milk? Eggs? Cheese? Where'd they go? How much do they know? And will they talk?'

Butcher Shop. Special: Soup Bones! Soup has bones?!

'Waiter! There's a . . . oh, never mind.'