Kitchen Sleuths T-Shirts

'We don't want your business; we just want the recipe.'

"Milk, butter, bread - all past the expiration date. either he just hadn't noticed before, or his time machine worked."

Do you have any cookies you aren't using?

"Can you turn these mashed potatoes into french fries?"

"It's been redacted to produce our sauces."

'And thanks be to the lord that we're going out to eat on Friday...'

"I think the 'Exotic Recipe' diet will make me lose weight. I'm running all over town trying to find the ingredients!"

'So, in room 1 we sweat them. 2 is for grilling, 3 is for roasting. We leave them to simmer in room 4...'

Doctor uses thermometer to check chicken.

"What the heck did I do with that leftover turkey?!"

'Another sad case of an over dose on uncut sugar cereal.'

'I have a bad feeling about this place, Watson... and I smell a rat!'

"...I should have seen it coming...The busboys, the waiters, the dishwashers, the maitre d', all stealing shrimp, caviar, lobster, but ah, the strawberries, that's where I had them?"

Horse meat scandal.

"The toaster is broken again, sweetheart."

"You were supposed to have invented fire!"

'All our family's creativity is channelled into finding ways to gain weight.

'I see you have been mopping the floor while I was out. Are you doing this to be nice or disposing of evidence?'

'There's something wrong with the slow cooker. I check it every minute but nothing's cooking!'

The History of Anti-stick

Molecular gastronomy.

Under strict laboratory conditions extensive research proves that, despite being watched, pots do eventually boil.

'You're lucky you can't read.'

'The biochemist at work' The biochemist at lunch'.

"I don't know if it was the peanut butter and mayonnaise sandwich or the pickle milkshake I had for lunch!"

'It appears that 'reduced fat' means high fat, 'lo-fat' means plenty of fat, and 'fat-free' means some fat.'

'Police. We have reason to believe you've been hacking into your neighbor's computers and stealing their recipes.'

Guess Where Your Dinner Is?

Five seconds before the first turducken.

'You've got to be kidding...you mean there's a recipe for this?'

'I just have time to make some toast, analyze its particle sizes, its density, its chemisorption...'

'How did you get your pastry so thin?' Steam roller.

'If only making the perfect soft-boiled egg was as easy in practice as in theory.'

CIA Cafeteria: 'It's nice of you to ask, but the recipe is classified.'

Woman wearing t-shirt reading 'I married a chemist.'