Kitchen Detective T-Shirts

'What choice do we have? She knows too much.'

'There's something wrong with the slow cooker. I check it every minute but nothing's cooking!'

"You'll find that in the second drawer from the bottom under the scissors."

'Yes, sir... Thanks to Officer Parker's self-made cake, we got the guy!'

Police Cooking.

"It's from the NSA. They've accidentally deleted that risotto recipe. Can you send it again?"

"...I should have seen it coming...The busboys, the waiters, the dishwashers, the maitre d', all stealing shrimp, caviar, lobster, but ah, the strawberries, that's where I had them?"

"I'll have the Investigator's Special."

"First Lady Lettuce goes missing, then Colonel Crouton followed by Reginald Radish... Great Caesar's Ghost! Someone is making a salad!"

Try to guess the continent dining...

'Notice how with truth in packaging requirements all the labels begin with ‘OMG!''

"I like to sit facing the room to see if anyone seated after us gets served before us."

"And how is last week's tilapia tonight?"

"I think you should be aware that the chef is a summer intern."

'This fortune cookie says 'buy oriental tea futures'...'

'Waiter, there's a Fly-Agaric in my soup.'

"We add an eighteen percent gratuity for parties of six or more."

"Well, son. . . here your dad makes the famous 'fresh from nature' food!"

"Number 2. Step forward please."

"It's been redacted to produce our sauces."

Mother to son, regarding stolen cake: 'I don't need to check anything with 'the boys in forensics' I know it was you.'

'So, in room 1 we sweat them. 2 is for grilling, 3 is for roasting. We leave them to simmer in room 4...'

"Okay, lets see what we have here."

"Hey!-This looks like a good place!"

"And finally the chef's surprise - the check!"

"And that's where hot dogs come from."

"I'm Todd, your waiter, and I'd like you to think our friendship is more than contextual."

'Are you the guy who put gluten in the bread?'

'I said, 'I'd like to see the chef!''

'I have a bad feeling about this place, Watson... and I smell a rat!'

"Sure, ha ha, it’s all ‘free-range’ beef."

Rare Medical Conditions - The compulsive desire to work out restaurant bills correctly

"How did I find my lamb chop? Well, I lifted up a roast potato and there it was."

"What the heck did I do with that leftover turkey?!"

GM Crops Genie.