Non-fiction Aficionados Gifts

'This is my friend Kate, a publisher of non-fiction, and that's her husband, non-Kate.'

Not to be a motion picture. Will remain just a book.

'Stuck on a desert island, in the middle of the ocean, with only a palm tree for company, it's a bloody joke.'

The mysterious Sherlock Holmes - 'Is he wearing his cap backwards or forwards?'

"Barb's such a fast reader."

Tequila Mockingbird

"Is this fiction, non-fiction or historical fiction?"

So You've Cloned Yourself

Thomas Keneally

The Month of August

"Hey samson, nice man bun."

RETURN BOOKS HERE, 'I'm sorry, sir -- all our books on Houdini have disappeared.'

"We'll have to retract that article. On of our co-authors is the night watchman."

Ransom Library. Oh, that's just Henry … He's a history buff. Wild West.

"I think you left something of your resumé... writer of fiction!"

"This isn't working out - I'm an earthworm and you're a....are you even listening to me?"

The Subtitle

"I was able to get you a 2-book deal."

'He doesn't want to play doctors and nurses anymore - He just wants to play Harry Potter!'

Library. Frank, I need to locate some biographies. Do you know where these are? This King Tut book is stored in a box down in the basement. The Napoleon biography is with the short stories. And the Henry Ford book is in the autobiography section. Unfortunately, this Amelia Earhart profile is missing. It mysteriously disappeared years ago. And what about the Albert Einstein bio? It's right up there, on the top shelf. The book about Einstein and his theories is way over your head, Ernie!

"Poetry? Philosophy? Just what kind of dinner conversation do you want?"

'I stole it from the library.'

"Let's undress and make love!" "I am undressed!"

'Ooooh, it's Frosty! Couldn't you just melt in his arms?'

"I'm looking for a GPS with Morgan Freeman's voice. Maybe my husband will listen to it."

"Ma, I just wanted you to know that the kid whose mouth you washed out with soap dozens of times was today referred to by the New York Times as a 'profanely eloquent' playwright!"

'He doesn't speak - He likes to write!'

"We have a termite problem."

"With all due respect, instead of the phrase 'bank robbery,' we request the alleged incident be referred to as an 'Elmore Leonard moment!'"

I am prepared to unveil by brilliant innovation. Is it an MP3 player? It's a self-help book. A simple way for readers to achieve instant happiness. You? What do you know about happiness? You're miserable and you make other people miserable. Wrong! People will get happy or I'll kick their keisters! Uplifting.

Superfoods are in aisle three.

Book Publisher. Editor. It's perfect! A history of toasters as a pop-up book.

'I'm afraid you're a little late for the book signing, Mr. Dickens.'

Marcel Proust.

P.R. Hell: Abandon all hype, ye who enter here.