Noise-sensitive Chef Gifts

'Do you have a silent can opener? I have 3 dogs who pile all over me.'

"Our cook is new, so ge's Googling what goes on a bacon, lettuce and tomato sandwich as we speak."

'Does this thing get channel four.'

'Their daughter plays the violin.'

"You need to turn down the vibration setting on your cell phone."

Microwave confusion.

'..and one for the pot.'

'I can't make dinner right now - I'm installing new software.'

'The vast potential of stem cells...and we use them to make a hamburger!'

'Police. We have reason to believe you've been hacking into your neighbor's computers and stealing their recipes.'

'Quiet with your crisps please, I can't hear the film.'

"Jordan takes his wife's wind chimes – he shoots!"

Frittering a Banana by Electricity.

'Come now, Mr Symes. I am a Master Chef. I'll admit the steaks are high. But then so are the rewards.'

"I'm going to do some gardening.Have you seen my ear protectors?"

'Peace is at hand! - I just signed the Bagpipe Limitation Treaty!'

Cook and PC

The room for adults who like to complain about children making noise at church

"Have you decided what household object you're hiding under this July 4th?"

"You're the only man I know who can clean a filthy cooker with two slices of bread."

Egg farm for sale: 'All that clucking and cackling is driving the owner nuts!'

Ear Plugs for Aliens.

"I look forward to coming here for great tasting coffee. Every morning. . . but you are talking so loud I can't even smell it!"

'Sure, it's nice of the farmer to leave us to graze freely in the mountains, but this darn bell is driving me crazy...'

'We'll have to eat out tonight - I misplaced a decimal point in the cookbook.'

'Why don't you use a leaf blower? It annoys the hell out of people.'

Noisy Neighbours

"There's a huge crowd of people on the lawn demanding that you stop snoring!"

"Don't feel bad Rex: desperate measures for desperate times! That new trumpet of Young Master had to disappear..."

silence please

'Someone hacked into my food files and added chocolate chips to each recipe. Do you know anything about that?'

"Don't you find the ringing of one's mobile phone most annoyingly irritating, Terence, my good fellow?"

Gone To Hospital.

"Excuse me for wanting to broaden our culinary horizons."

Thanks to the new recipe app, everybody can cook a gourmet meal.