Noah's Apprentice Gifts

"My dog always knows when it's about to rain."

'Why me Lord?' '...because yo have animal magnetism Noah...'

No, no, this is Terry's ark, Noah's is three arks down.

'I think I'll take her to the zoo today.'

"For my next trick, I'll need a volunteer, a fake knife, and a mirrored box with a secret compartment."

"Gee, I never saw that coming."

"And for my next trick, I will confuse general politeness for chemistry."

Alfred Marquez, Probate Attorney - Heir club for men.

'When you invented vegetables, Sir, did you know that my mother would be able to fit them all into one garden?'

'I've been told I have Rembrandt's golden glow.'

"For my next trick, I'll require an audience."

"I thought I put on my 'big boy' pants this morning but apparently they were my 'fire me' pants."

"Hold still, it's a programme about making your own tv cabinet."

'I mind my mother, and I do my lessons, and I'm here for the quid pro quo.'

School of hard knocks: Mail box 'Knock-knock jokes'

'Have you filed an environmental impact statement for this flood?'

Noah's ark is a Hummer.

"I've taught him to do tricks, he wants you to pick a card."

'I'll be back Friday - don't try anything funny while I'm away.'

I don't care if your friend has a flight simulator. You're going to learn to fly on your own.

'There! I've attached a sundial to the wheel. I'm going to name it a 'Rolex'!'

Photocopying his ass was not as easy as he'd been led to believe.

"Sure, he's ascended to a god-like state. But from what I hear, he's still on his family's cell phone plan."

"Do you really think this will work?"

"But Nonno made them specially for you, princess."

The Traditional Board Game Company

'Winter days not nice enough for gardening.'

'It's a lot of work building a giant snowman, but we'll appreciate it in July!'

People enter and leave a training school.

The training halo...

'Did you get it wet?'

Zeb's Exterminators. Let me get this straight -- You want me to get rid of all but two of the termites?

"Before we get to this year's list, let's review your very disappointing performance last year."

'I don't want a treat. I just thought of a really neat trick!'

"I sure miss gran."