Nighttime Presenter Pillows

'Personally I take all these programmes with a pinch of salt.'

'Mighty strange weather tonight, followed by downright weird tomorrow....'

"The regular Fox news commentator was canned for being too soft on Iran. I'm Dick Cheney."

"As some of you may have guessed I got yesterday's sunburn factor wrong!"

"It was a cheese and wine party but the mice got there first!"

"That concludes our broadcast day. Go to bed."

Local News in Heaven

Reporter #6: television.

Vanna White: The Later Years.

Next camera crew 5 mins

"Hang in there everyone—we promise a cute animal story at the end."

'It wouldn't hurt to say a few words.'

'And that's how to make pancakes.'

Non Thought For The Day.

"There's no way we can get him ow. He's completely under the covers."

'Man asleep in double bed with a pencil.'

Presenter Auditions.

"In other news a new study indicates dogs are still better than cats."

'Just do the presentation Williams and let the numbers speak for themself.'

'Double Dannys': Danny Baker and Danny Kelly.

'And this just in from the stock market... buy, sell, buy, sell, buy, sell, buy!'

Jerry Springer of biblical times.

'And for those of you calling in to say he is behind us - OH NO he isn't.'

CELEBRITY NEWS TEAM"Now here's Frank Sinatra with the weather."

'On a personal note, I'm pleased to report I've been upgraded from reporter to opinionated loudmouthed pundit.'

Television guests' essentials in November.

'It's educational TV, Mom — the redheaded girl in the lime-green bikini has a teaching degree.'

"As you can see from the books behind me, I pretend to read a lot of books."

Stephen Fry.