Nighttime Presenter Gifts

Wake up, Don. You're TED talking in your sleep again.

'Personally I take all these programmes with a pinch of salt.'

'Mighty strange weather tonight, followed by downright weird tomorrow....'

"The regular Fox news commentator was canned for being too soft on Iran. I'm Dick Cheney."

"As some of you may have guessed I got yesterday's sunburn factor wrong!"

Stephen Fry

"It was a cheese and wine party but the mice got there first!"

"That concludes our broadcast day. Go to bed."

Local News in Heaven

Vanna White: The Later Years.

"Hang in there everyone—we promise a cute animal story at the end."

Next camera crew 5 mins

Reporter #6: television.

'It wouldn't hurt to say a few words.'

'And that's how to make pancakes.'

"There's no way we can get him ow. He's completely under the covers."

Non Thought For The Day.

"In other news a new study indicates dogs are still better than cats."

Presenter Auditions.

'Man asleep in double bed with a pencil.'

'Just do the presentation Williams and let the numbers speak for themself.'

'Double Dannys': Danny Baker and Danny Kelly.

'Don't be silly - the sun won't burn itself our for another 5 billion years. Bedsides, the Earth will have been smashed to smithereens by asteroids long before that.'

Downside of a memory foam mattress.

'And for those of you calling in to say he is behind us - OH NO he isn't.'

'And this just in from the stock market... buy, sell, buy, sell, buy, sell, buy!'

Jerry Springer of biblical times.

Jeremy Clarkson.

Stephen Fry

'It's educational TV, Mom — the redheaded girl in the lime-green bikini has a teaching degree.'

CELEBRITY NEWS TEAM"Now here's Frank Sinatra with the weather."

The boy who cried Wolf Blitzer,

Television guests' essentials in November.

'On a personal note, I'm pleased to report I've been upgraded from reporter to opinionated loudmouthed pundit.'

"As you can see from the books behind me, I pretend to read a lot of books."