News Presenter Pillows

'It says here that most people believe what they read in the papers.'

"...and finally..."

'...And, finally, we have a bit of 'good news'....'I'm sorry, we've lost that portion of our program.'

"We're to rearrange all studio chairs."

'And this just in from the stock market... buy, sell, buy, sell, buy, sell, buy!'

'Our top story: It's now day six of the cue card holders' strike.'

Trevor Mcdonald

"Again, today we will have Covid with a chance of showers."

Jon Snowman

"And now, another news update - updated from the updated news that was updated ten minutes ago..."

"As you can see from the books behind me, I pretend to read a lot of books."

"The regular Fox news commentator was canned for being too soft on Iran. I'm Dick Cheney."

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'You can't vote him off, dear - he's the newsreader'

A radio presenter.

"And here with the grizzly details."

'She's irate. She thought she was hired as newsreader totty and she's just found out it was to prove we're not ageist.'

'I'm an on-air military analyst for a TV news broadcast. This medal is for participating in the ratings war.'

This is headline news where you can be sure your mind is never taxed.

'Stocks today remained unchanged, on news the rich are getting richer, and the poor poorer, at approximately the same rate...'

"I understand your feelings, dear, but don't you think that Jane Pauley would just as soon see you keep your strength up?"

Nothing is more embarrassing than tripping over the news ticker.

'When we come back we'll talk to a man who made a fortune on Wall Street and almost got away with it.'

'Bring me my ear plugs - Kirsty Wark is on.'

'S*** happens, film at eleven..'

'Nicholas Witchell couldn't make it on the 8th.'

"In financial news, Greek shares continue their slide. Of note, International Feta Cheese continues to crumble."

"Welcome back to CNN, where a Trump campaign official has called in, definitely against the advice of his lawyers."

"I'm Justin. Just in..."

Covid Podium

"Today Delaware was declared a rogue state which would have to be dealt with eventually."

"Good evening, this is Georgi Avelov, your anchorcomrade."

"The Net National Product rose slightly last month."

"And just like that, e got rid of Florida."

Showbiz Awards