Television Presenter Pillows

Pantomime dame: 'Has anyone seen my successful TV and film career?' Audience: 'It's behind you!'

Local News in Heaven

Dave had never experienced nervous ticks until just before his nature channel debut

Rowan Atkinson,

'And that's how to make pancakes.'

Gok Wan

Noel Edmonds.

'It's surprising who turns out to be an environmental expert, isn't it.'

Rob Brydon

"This won best award show last year."

Chef's Specialities�

Top 100 best guesses what celebrities do - when they're not reminiscing on top 100 best of shows.

'Things even God could not know - for $400, Alex.'

James May

'How did you cope before 24-hour rolling gossip?'

'This is a talk show, buddy -- put the gun down!'

'It's equal ops... British television's first political interviewer with tourettes.'

'Personally I take all these programmes with a pinch of salt.'

I'm Wendy Shular substituting for Lena Peabody who busted the glass ceiling...

Jerry Springer of biblical times.

Talking head on the TV stand.

'This is Harold Finnegan substituting for Steve Bernstein, who has been totally grossed out by events in Washington....'

'Look, mate - a dream holiday for two wouldn't include him.'

Lorne Greene

Jeremy Clarkson

Jim Davidson

A child pretending to be on tv in a busy street

Jerry Springer Spaniel

"He looks a lot bigger on television."

I should have taken the offer of monkey diarrhoea!

'Tonight's news is so bad, we're just going to skip it and go straight to the weather....'

Dick Strawbridge

Sue Perkins

The Oscars

Lazy weather report ('...look out your window...').