Tv Presenting Pillows

Joe Franklin

Clive Anderson

Showbiz Awards

'I have a plan 'B' but that's also dependent on a working projector bulb.'

'Personally I take all these programmes with a pinch of salt.'

Department of Theatre, Film and Television: Lights...Camera...Unemployment!

"I'm razzled, but not dazzled."

"Remind me: Is it the New York Critics Award or the Sundance Audience Prize that always lets us down?"

'Mighty strange weather tonight, followed by downright weird tomorrow....'

"Don't worry - I'm here for the television."

'Now THAT'S a presentation! Great delivery, great graphics, and he moonwalks from the room.'

"A dozen eggs and a pint of semi-skimmed...Sorry, looks like I left my presentation in my other coat."

"The following program was made possible by fluctuations in the random chaos of the Universe...."

'They're just like us, except they watch more television.'

Check your universal remote control at the door.

'Gosh, really? You've never been on any reality show at all?'

'We interrupt this programme for a sex flash.'

'Do you realize that we're sitting in a prefabricated house, eating precooked dinners, and listening to Chris Matthews' opinions?'

Tree house.

"The regular Fox news commentator was canned for being too soft on Iran. I'm Dick Cheney."

The First Annual Game Show Week.

'These are the end of year figures recollected in tranquility.'

"Now we move over to the sports desk."

Applause

'Ted, I really wish you'd update your presentation software so we could do away with the 3-D glasses.'

'Come quick: Rin Tin Tin is on TV again...'

"As some of you may have guessed I got yesterday's sunburn factor wrong!"

"That concludes our broadcast day. Go to bed."

Senior Jeopardy!

Local News in Heaven

"Let me now direct your attention to the pepperoni."

"I don't know what I'm going to do...my presentation is due on Monday and I haven't even started...I'm not sure I know how to speak."