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Joe Franklin

Adrian Chiles

Clive Anderson

Showbiz Awards

'I have a plan 'B' but that's also dependent on a working projector bulb.'

'Personally I take all these programmes with a pinch of salt.'

Department of Theatre, Film and Television: Lights...Camera...Unemployment!

"I'm razzled, but not dazzled."

"Don't worry - I'm here for the television."

"Remind me: Is it the New York Critics Award or the Sundance Audience Prize that always lets us down?"

'Mighty strange weather tonight, followed by downright weird tomorrow....'

'Now THAT'S a presentation! Great delivery, great graphics, and he moonwalks from the room.'

"A dozen eggs and a pint of semi-skimmed...Sorry, looks like I left my presentation in my other coat."

"The following program was made possible by fluctuations in the random chaos of the Universe...."

Cut!

"I don't believe I've missed a single sign since you made the switch to Power Point."

'Gosh, really? You've never been on any reality show at all?'

Tree house.

'We interrupt this programme for a sex flash.'

There's a crew here from 60 minutes and they're coming this way.

The First Annual Game Show Week.

Applause

'These are the end of year figures recollected in tranquility.'

'Do you realize that we're sitting in a prefabricated house, eating precooked dinners, and listening to Chris Matthews' opinions?'

Check your universal remote control at the door.

'Ted, I really wish you'd update your presentation software so we could do away with the 3-D glasses.'

"The regular Fox news commentator was canned for being too soft on Iran. I'm Dick Cheney."

'They're just like us, except they watch more television.'

"Now we move over to the sports desk."

'Come quick: Rin Tin Tin is on TV again...'

"As some of you may have guessed I got yesterday's sunburn factor wrong!"

Stephen Fry

"That concludes our broadcast day. Go to bed."

Senior Jeopardy!

Local News in Heaven