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Clive Anderson

"Think of it as buying in – not selling out."

"I love it when you use your 'All Things Considered' voice."

"The regular Fox news commentator was canned for being too soft on Iran. I'm Dick Cheney."

Sci-Fi Museum. New Exhibit. H.G. Wells War of the Worlds. In 1938, Orson Welles broadcast "War of the Worlds," a radio drama about aliens from Mars invading earth. The radio drama was presented as a series of fake news reports about devastation caused by the invading aliens. Many listeners turned in to the program mid-roadcast and thought the news reports were real. Widespread panic ensued. Wow! Orson Welles caused all that panic with a radio program. Just imagine what he could have don

'We interrupt this programme for a sex flash.'

"It's Dr. Sadie. Go ahead, caller." "Yeah, how come you haven't said 'Merry Christmas' yet?" "Oh, that’s because I was hoping to provoke everyone who’s upset about the so-called 'war on Christmas' to spend all their time on hold waiting to castigate me. That way, all the normal people who don’t think Christmas is just another chance to play the victim can open their gifts in peace." "You're welcome, America." "Why haven't you played 'Jingle Bells' yet?"

'I'd like to dedicate this next tune to those who have discovered love, gotten married, and wished desperately for death.'

"Still Undecided Political Blocs"

Mozart's very good, but can't beat Rossini for sandbox activities.

Dog FM. (Man blowing dog whistle into radio microphone).

Pre-Television Man Caves

Ask Sadie Advice Hour. What's your problem?! I don't want to vaccinate my kids. But my husband does. What do I do? Excellent question. It reminds me of the time Mother Cohen and Father Cohen were arguing about vaccinating us kids. Father Cohen accused her of being a pawn of the Illuminati's attempt to use diphtheria to mutate us into ape-people. Mother Cohen accused him of being anti-Darwinian. That's when Father Cohen brought up her illicit fling with Chuck Darwin, and all heck broke loose. Um

Non Thought For The Day.

Untold Love Stories. The Shadow and Pollyanna. It's no use, Lamont, you know what evil lurks in the hearts of men and I believe there's good in everybody.

'For the luxury item I'd like my ipod.'

Day two of our series: America's sleeping pill addiction. My guest, pillhead Rudy Park. I'm not a pillhead. Come clean. Admit the obvious truth. What truth? Rush Limbaugh made you do it! A political pundit never misses an opportunity. You got hooked only after O'Reilly harassed you.

"Joe's cereal. NPR co-approved."

"This just in — I no longer have a job."

'I'm now going to open the floor to questions.'

'Just do the presentation Williams and let the numbers speak for themself.'

'As you can see the market forecast is quite loopy in the next quarter.'

Sports Radio in Crisis

'And this just in from the stock market... buy, sell, buy, sell, buy, sell, buy!'

"I've been invited to two different thanksgivings...One with family, one with friends, which one do I go to?"

"The cost of HS2 was 115 billion, but that was when we started the interview. It's 130 now!"

Larry King

Kidnapping Lord Haw-Haw

"He had a request for me on the radio today. He wanted me to bring him a cup of tea."

"Boss, remember when you told me to start charging Sadie 'studio fees' for operating her radio show in the cafe?" "Well, I've got good news and bad news." "What's the good?" "She's agreed not to resort to violence." "I see. And the bad news?" "On today's 'Sadie Cohen Radio Show': Evil cafe owners who may or may not poison their customers."

"Did you hear Sadie's show today?"

Man from 'National Viewers and Listeners Association sits at work boxes titled; 'Switch on' and 'Switch off'.

The Quack Quack Diaries: The Decline And Fall Of Wolfman Quack

You're on "Ask Sadie." What's your problem?! Super delegates. A candidate could win the most votes in the primaries but lose anyway of the superdelegates want someone else! Can you believe that? Oh stop yer sniveling. In my day, the parties chose candidates in smoke-filled backrooms without even pretending the people get a vote. At least this charade gets you out of the house. Gets the blood pumping. I guess.

Clive Anderson