Radio Producer T-Shirts

"The new manager hasn't much experience of radio production"

"No - I'm not listening to my radio!"

Resume of Claude Brisketson Composer

" 'Twas brillig, and the slithy toves Did gyre and gimble in the wabe; All mimsy were the borogroves, and the mome raths outgrabe fifty basis points."

"It's the Dr. Sadie advice hour. For the next two hours, I'll be taking nothing but Christmas-related calls."

Feelings towards radios #6 Radio about to be blown up.

'Scripts department' "I think old James has lost the plot"

'If you don't get a caller in the next 30 seconds I'm switching to another guest.'

"Think of it as buying in – not selling out."

'He really wanted to get into the zombie role, so he became a Meth-Head actor.'

"For the best picture not having won anything thereby being eliminated from this category..."

Showbiz Awards

Producer, Director and Novelizer.

"I'll do the movie but I want to be highly compensated and highly acclaimed."

'Big audio gear is coming back!'

"After the show, I'll be autographing any computer or phone screens where my albums are streamed."

'Okay, folks, that's a wrap!'

Working in the Hazard Zone!

"Seth, here, is one of the best young creative compromisers in the business."

"Same story every morning - 'Can you come and fix our windmill?'..."

"I'm sorry, we're looking for the voice of a spunky animated turnip and your reading is more fruit than vegetable if you understand what I mean."

'We interrupt this programme for a sex flash.'

"I love it when you use your 'All Things Considered' voice."

"It's basically the 'Tragedy of King Lear' but with animated penguins."

Canadian film production

'This is the last time we hire former Cirque du Soleil members as stompers.'

'From albums to 8-tracks to cassettes to CD's...What a long, loud trip it's been!'

New music conference

'... and the winner for 'The Noisiest Picture of the Year' is...'

'...And now, the film most criticized for eroding traditional family values, the nominees are...'

"It's Dr. Sadie. Go ahead, caller." "Yeah, how come you haven't said 'Merry Christmas' yet?" "Oh, that’s because I was hoping to provoke everyone who’s upset about the so-called 'war on Christmas' to spend all their time on hold waiting to castigate me. That way, all the normal people who don’t think Christmas is just another chance to play the victim can open their gifts in peace." "You're welcome, America." "Why haven't you played 'Jingle Bells' yet?"

Little Red Riding Carpet

"The next song was sixties anthem for the youth subculture of revolution, anarchy and anti-establishment...and can now be heard in elevators worldwide."

"Forget the harps, we can spend Eternity in there."

Pre-Television Man Caves