Presenting T-Shirts

'I'm now going to open the floor to questions.'

'As you can see the market forecast is quite loopy in the next quarter.'

"...but before we begin our slide presentation on accounts receivable...this is how I make a bunny!"

Ant and Dec.

'We need to mask the lack of substance in the presentation with fancy graphics and animations...'

"I thought our sales pitch was going very well until he summoned security."

"It's no good Charlie, I'm done for! You've got to go it alone, Charlie. You've got to go on and nail that presentation! Nail it for me!"

'A flip chart presentation? How quaint.'

Today's seminar is going to be so much fun...

"Use backlighting, you won't stand out."

Thank You, Goals Achieved... and then some!

'Any other comments besides, 'turn the chart sideways'?'

How to engage an audience

'How long have you had that toupee?'

Funny business

'How long have you had that toupee?'

"But make of it what you will, for I am but a beast cloaked in man flesh."

'If I had to use one word to describe our strategy.'

"Bert, I'm confused. What happens after we circle the wagons, tighten our belts and walk a mile in our customer's shoes? Is that when the chickens come home to roost?"

"Ya know, 'DUH' can be a very hurtful word."

"I'm going to bombard you with graphs until you agree with me."

'You forget, I'm a blackbelt in powerpoint.'

'And were there a point to your proposal, Henderson - What would it be?'

"These projections don't make sparkles shoot out my ass."

"I was hoping this presentation would be more interesting upside down."

'When we get there let me do the double talking.'

Showbiz Awards

'Which 'win' is ours? Because the one on the left looks bigger.'

'I have a plan 'B' but that's also dependent on a working projector bulb.'

'Personally I take all these programmes with a pinch of salt.'

'I'm Jeremy's father. I'm a computer consultant and I'm unemployed.'

Can't Do the Math/Won't Do the Math.

"Now that I have everyone's attention..."

"The trend in tough economic times is to put off everything that doesn't require immediate action ? as this chart shows."

"I'm razzled, but not dazzled."