Nighttime Noise Detective Gifts

"All right, have it your way - you heard a seal bark!"

"Either you left the TV on downstairs or we have whales again."

Noisy energy?

"You kept me awake all night, grinding your gums."

'I think I've found what's been causing my funny buzzing sounds.'

Dog thumping tail on floor, man below thumping ceiling with broom.

By the year 2500, 1 in 10 academics will devote their entire career to divining the meaning of the word 'sussudio'.

"I'm telling you! They don't know anything! No one is in charge!"

Bat

"I'd know my tinnitus anywhere and this isn't it."

'I finnaly located what was causing that hissing sound on the tractor.'

"Wake up. It says here I was right about that thing I said."

"Look, if it wasn’t me and it wasn’t you, who was doing all the snoring?!"

"I keep hearing this annoying buzzing noise!"

'No, it's not the Rapture - The kids next door got a trampoline.'

"I wore a wire last night to prove you really snore!"

Today, this humble feature attempts to answer one of the great quandaries of modern times. Is it Louie Louie, oh baby, my hair gotta grow? Wrong! What are the lyrics to the Kingsman's Louie Louie?* *Must be gleaned by listening. No peeking on the internet!

"My nose whistling is keeping me awake all night."

"It was just humming right along - then began whistling."

"Why is that moron screaming so loud at something that isn't there?"

'Settings> thought store> offload random fears > upload to dreamcloud

'It's only an owl.'

'My brain's secret life is keeping me up nights.'

"He's so posh...!"

It began with a beep. BEEEP. What an annoying noise. Where did that come from? BEEEP. Where indeed? Join us the next few days to solve the mystery behind the *beep* as we journey into the soul of modern man. (Oh, the hyperbole!) BEEEP!

Insecurity guard: 'Are byou sure you didn't hear something- there it goes again!

'You suck at identifying sounds!'

Old West Trackers. It's either ten guys on horseback or a caterpillar crawled into my ear again.

"The tone of the letter is stern, almost threatening, but - see here? - he signs with a smiley face, so I think we may be alright."

"Seriously? You don't hear a ticking noise?"

'You're right-your car is making a funny noise.'

Do you hear what I hear?

'I can't sleep either - that's why I'm playing this thing!'

'Wear you hearing protection or else!'

Noisy Train