Nightmare Negotiator Gifts

"I'm sure those scary monsters under your bed heard some scary things too."

"Here's what I'm gonna do."

"I need to see your budget proposal."

Human Behavior Institute. Out Experiencing Lunch.

"I do. Have your people contact my people to hammer out the details."

"We offer 104 vacation days...otherwise known as weekends."

'I'm interested in your job opening, so I'll have my agent give you a ring!'

"He'll never win this negotiation. He's saddled with numbers...but we have anecdotes."

"No, four glasses of water was enough. . . now I have to go to the bathroom!"

'Even though you're the client, it's my duty to tell you you're wrong. . . Ok then. Speak slowly so I can write down your every whim.'

'But I'm not tired yet!!!'

"I'm an expert in crisis management, I've got three daughters!"

Playerpen - 'Naptime already?'

'If I eat three more pieces of meat and three more spoonfuls of peas, I want three puddings after!'

Boss, I've got a new idea. And it will totally empower on-demand collaboration and idea-sharing. Not again. It'll synergistically maintain error-free catalysts for change, while progressively meshing stand-alone methods of reconceptualization. Look, I've already told you. You're not getting a raise, not matter how much business jargon you use. But an extra $2 an hour would dramatically generate error-free opportunities for a tax deduction. No means no.

Autos. You can drive a hard bargain, but you may find a bargain is hard to drive.

'Once they noticed your tail wagging, they stopped upping their offer.'

". . .Release the Grunwalds now! Do not make us resort to force!"

If you pony is difficult to catch...take a good supply of lump sugar with you...and eat as much of it as you can.

'I think we should also agree not to go to sleep horny.'

"All night I dreamed I was at work. Do I get overtime for that?"

'Whenever I need a little peace and quiet, I do without,'

"Tough group."

'Darling what will you give me for this ring?'

"Tonight the covers stay on my side."

"At least have the decency to send her a text to tell her you're not interested."

'Would you like to see my sales presentation from where you're sitting? Or would you feel more comfortable in a head lock?'

"We raised the price but lowered the down payment... so it kind of evens out."

"Dad, I want another dog for my birthday." "NO." "OK. I want a stripper girlfriend for my birthday." "What kind of dog do you want."

'It's a deal. You buy my insurance and I'll buy your knitted booties.'

"I promise to listen to you if you promise to shut up!"

'Forget his mother. He wants to talk to an agent about selling his story!'

"Listen to me, John. Tell them this is our final offer."

"I'm withholding sex until you have sex with me."

'...He says he won't negotiate until we send in pizza and beer.'