Next-gen Educator Gifts

"My new teacher is young. Now, I have to retire my standard response of, 'OK Boomer.'"

"And when the canyon fills up, that's it; herd immunity."

"We're bringing the arts and sciences together here by giving crayons to mice."

Campaign for Plain English

"I got a gold star for going the longest without looking at my phone in class."

'X is unknown? Even to somebody with all your education?'

Baby sees bottle with math formula marked, 'Baby Formula'.

Toy Shops and Educated Children

The Queen of Static Electricity: 'Hey, Jeffrey...I've got a physics question for you...The queen of static electricity is exempt! Hail me!!'

The Evolution Of Man.

Mr. Defner's drive-in algebra class was retro cool, controversial and somewhat effective.

'Is THIS the way you plan to spend your peak learning years?'

Technologies and distance classes

In addition to brilliant grades and perfect SATs � Parents' night. College admissions. Your child should excel at 3 sports and lead a school extra-curricular like the newspaper. Don't the arts count? Sure! If your child sings, for example � A part on 'Glee' or in the Metropolitan Opera would certainly help. Our kids are doomed.

'This handheld computer is very useful for teaching. It displays my lesson plan, calander, key files, and an extensive menu of put-downs for hecklers and classroom clowns.'

"I hate negative numbers, and I'll stop at nothing to avoid them."

"I got all Z's because I fell asleep in class."

"I believe that's a Montessori school."

"Today in class we're going to create a physics teacher."

"And if all else fails, wave your arms frantically."

'Oooh, Jimmy, the teacher put another throwing star on your paper! Great!'

"I wish he'd actually play with his toy hospital, rather than just making strike placards."

"Why are all of your answers so mechanical?"

"The meeting was canceled after an outbreak of contagious yawning!"

"The first week of school is just review. You know. Scenes from last year's episode."

The state off graduates literacy levels is shoking and both my coleegues agree that there maths isn't much better!

'First semester, you learn the numbers. Second semester, you use them to count the days 'til school is out.'

"No, Einstein's theory of relativity isn't, 'don't marry your cousin.'"

"If we only use 10% of our brains, how am I supposed to get passing grades?"

"They grow up so quickly. It seems like only yesterday that he was in the third grade. Wait, it was yesterday!"

Caveman Shadow Puppetry Of Pre-Historic Animals

"Congratulations! It's a pass."

"The problem with online schooling is I can't get help from Mom and Dad!"

'Hey, Dad. We learned all about the Kama Sutra at school today... Oh no, not the Kama Sutra, I mean The Magna Carta.'

"I'm subcontracting math, spelling and geography to my smart phone."