Future Educator Gifts

'I know I'm having trouble reading at a 3rd grade level...that's why, when I grow up, I'm going to be a 2nd grade teacher.'

WELCOME TO KINDERGARTEN!, 'It was neat! -- they have flat-screen blackboards!'

'When do you teach them how to dress themselves?'

Once upon a time vs. today

The Queen of Static Electricity: 'Hey, Jeffrey...I've got a physics question for you...The queen of static electricity is exempt! Hail me!!'

'I want to be a teacher when I grow up so I can dish out homework like you.'

'You have a lot to learn about watching television -- that's an educational program!'

"Sorry, class, but because of new deregulations, I don't have to teach you anything this year."

A Puppet Named Juan

"Ya know, 'DUH' can be a very hurtful word."

"Do you want to play doctorate?"

"She's fine. She just needs some tofu."

Opportunities in Coronatimes

Lynching on social media

"Of course he's smiling. He's getting $15,000 to give a lecture on free speech."

Hate Platforms

"You're fired."

Enhanced Pedophilia Interrogation Techniques

Ethics exam cheater.

"And when the canyon fills up, that's it; herd immunity."

'Reading, writing and arithmetic are important, son. Someday you might sign autographs for money.'

'You may now turn over your paper and begin.' - 'Sir!' - 'Yes?' - 'What is it?' - 'I think Train 'A' and Train 'B' might be going to crash!'

Now leaving designated Free Speech Zone. Shut it!

I've been teaching art history for decades. Students today ask new kinds of questions. No, I doubt a gluten-free menu option was available that evening. Nope, the artist was not making a statement about climate change. No, despite the umbrellas, this is not about sun exposure safety. Well, yes, I suppose you can say it's a selfie.

"If a stock falls in the market, and it had no investors, does it really lose its value?"

Who will determine Venezuela's future?

Valuable business advice from some famous disruptive technologies.

'Einstein, the children are getting too complex for me.'

Fear/Knowledge

Though he created more than 300 products from peanuts, George Washington Carver was unable to change even one of them back into a peanut.

Campaign for Plain English

Pirate boy reciting the alphabet

'Is the glass half full, Wally, or half empty?' - 'Oh, oh! Trick question!'

"No Timmy, I don't think your pencil has system requirments or upgrades you can download from the internet."

"The university said he was a climate change denier so remove the statue."