Newsletter Novice Gifts

'Went broke subscribing to financial news letters'

"First time pruning?"

Please buzz off. That's my flower!

"It was a dark and stormy night, for the Wi-Fi was down."

'I didn't know ostriches could swim.'

'Don't try to turn tail and run. That's just what they want.'

"I'm surprised, Caswell. I thought you were a happy camper."

The birth of junk mail.

American Venn diagram

"This is my first book, but if I like it I may buy another in the near future."

"I packed the cooking gear like you told me, Dad...where do I plug it in?"

Look, dork, I won't ask again. Will you help me use a computer? Maybe. What for? Internet Scrabble. I hear it is possible to play – what is the word? Online? I should like to send data over cyberspace. Through cyberspace.

'Alex we talked about this, you can't bring live things home from the lake. . . no buts, they don't want to leave the lake. Let your little friends go.'

'This pea is the first vegetable that I've ever grown so I would like to have it stuffed and mounted.'

'I'm sorry Jimmy, but the results of your tests show that you're not allergic to vegetables.'

'I'm beginning to worry -- everything I've got is tied up in investment newsletters!'

'I'd join Twitter, but I'm worried I'll make a hash of it.'

The not-so-living wall

'You may well, Ms. Ferris, one day write a 'Fifty Shades of Grey' bonkbuster, but today your account is one shade of red.'

BOOKSHOP, 'We're pushing our do-it-yourself kit today, sir -- a ream of paper and a dozen pencils.'

Daddy finished his review of your Christmas Newsletter.

I really hope the agent likes my submission... - '' - 'This is perfect.' - '' - 'Absolutley perfect.'

Gardening for Beginners

Beggars' sign - 'Firmly believed my own financial newsletter'.

"We’re not on the Upper West Side, and there aren’t any ‘better tables’!"

'I can't believe it... no subway, no taxis, no fast food spots, no busses within a radius of 400 meters... my gosh! I've never made such an intensive nature experience!'

'Let's face it,Edgar.you and mother nature don't have anything in common.'

Before you go, please take a moment to fill out this abduction survey and sign up for our free weekly e-newsletter.

'Johnny Wilmot experiences the Grand Canyon'

"No, really, we publishing titans do value the opinion of a newsletter editor."

"Frankly, the 'Beehive News' is boring: It's all about work, work, work..."

"It's nearly perfect, dear...you just have to plant the flowers the coloured side up..."

"If you have a boyfriend, I have some advice, young lady! Wisdom that's been handed down from generation to generation!"

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"I joined a seniors' computer group. They send me a newsletter to help us better understand the benefits and conveniences of these things."