News Snippet Enthusiast Pillows

'Honestly how ridiculous! It says here that men who read out snippets from the newspaper are frustrated orators!'

News: Deaths! Deaths! Deaths!

'Let's go to our education reporter for more underreporting of school success stories.'

UK border controls relaxed.

"I can't decide what I fear the most, Putin's Russia or Putin's America."

'You're going to have to make some changes in your lifestyle.'

Oligarchy

Beauty is in the eye of the manipulator.

'Greek debt was downgraded for the 11th time this week, by S&P, to P.O.S. Negative Infinity, meaning it's safer to eat uranium, than own Greek debt.'

Meet the Enemy

"If I 'HAD IT ALL' it would it be enough?"

Apart from protest footage I forget what downtown looks like.

'We interrupt this programme for a sex flash.'

News Internecine: Murdoch succession battle

There's a crew here from 60 minutes and they're coming this way.

'It's a novel based on a movie adapted from a magazine article that was inspired by a video game.'

Man Reading Laptop.

'Well, dad, as a medical student I've got to read specialized literature!'

"This just in: one of us always tells lies; the other always tells the truth. Who's who? Stay tuned."

Desert Island Statue of Liberty.

Weatherman: "Tonight's weather forecast is confusing, followed tomorrow by downright bewildering."

"Er...nothing much has happened yet today...."

Fear of news.

'...Next election voters will have a choice of democrat, republican and 'generic'.'

Giant Monkey sprays the pesty planes with 'fly spray'

'Tommy's doing fine. I'm concerned about your poor fund-raising record. You sold only two magazine subscriptions and one measly candy bar.'

Trump Destroying U.S. the Postal Service

"Wow. . . is that you, Mr Erdogan. . . Mr Kim Jong-un. . . Mr Putin. . . Mr Maduro. . . Mr. Bin-Salman. . . Mr al-Assad. . ."

Capital Tours

"Hang in there everyone—we promise a cute animal story at the end."

Idlib, Syria - The final stage

Reporter #6: television.

'Hey!! What gives, there's nothing but a bunch of squiggly lines on this newspaper.'

"This is a hell of a way to start a magazine."

'The only problem is they're glued together. So I can't see the watch...or change the dead calculator batteries, but it's guaranteed for life...'