News Aficionado Pillows

"No comment for now, but there'll be a press leak at five."

Sign says Daily News: Read it for free online: Journalists wonder 'Where did it all go wrong?'

'OMG! How did we get here?!!'

Headline: 'Something happened but it was all over by the time we got there.'

"Bad news on Wall Street today, as the bottom fell out of the market, the sides collapsed, and the top blew away."

'Stocks declined on news that everyone is playing online poker instead of playing the stock market.'

'Here's a rundown of today's stock prices...citizen uprisings...paradigm shifts...'

'So...to make a long-story short...In order to make up lost revenue from the tax cut, we'll need to raise taxes.'

"Extra! Extra! Read all about it for free on our website."

Be patient - the UN is working on it.

Fear of news.

'And this is Paul, who writes our 'Voice of Sanity' column.'

Slow News Day

"Once upon a time..."

"This is Larry Hawkins, …. On the lawn …... Outside your house."

'Vote for me! I'm not tied to any interest group!'

Rachel Maddow

"Your Honor, we feel the trial failed to deliver on its pretrial publicity."

'Next on News 7...GM offers to bail out the government in the event of a shutdown...'

'There were no scandals, riots, murders or disasters today so the producers decided to cancel the show.'

"I'm watching the presidential debate."

Tsunami Warning: Campaign Funding.

World burying its head in the sand

Illiteracy Increasing

Britain leaves

'I got all my homework last night. There was a politician on every channel.'

"I hate this news channel! It's giving me information when what I want is affirmation!"

I get all my news from the inernet.'

'This just in from the AMA: New studies reveal that life is bad for you.'

First Presidential Debate

"Eastbound traffic is moving nicely. Westbound we have a two car pile-up on the shoulder. No, wait - they're just shootin' the breeze."

'Major economic indicators were down, but the government's spin machine said too much 'up' can be a bad sign...'

Senator Yomp: 'The senator is restricting this news conference to questions about his grandchildren and their pets.'

'I'm sorry... We seem to be having a problem with our teleprompter.'

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