News Aficionado Pillows

"No comment for now, but there'll be a press leak at five."

Sign says Daily News: Read it for free online: Journalists wonder 'Where did it all go wrong?'

'OMG! How did we get here?!!'

Headline: 'Something happened but it was all over by the time we got there.'

'Stocks declined on news that everyone is playing online poker instead of playing the stock market.'

"Bad news on Wall Street today, as the bottom fell out of the market, the sides collapsed, and the top blew away."

'Here's a rundown of today's stock prices...citizen uprisings...paradigm shifts...'

Slow News Day

'And this is Paul, who writes our 'Voice of Sanity' column.'

Fear of news.

Be patient - the UN is working on it.

'Vote for me! I'm not tied to any interest group!'

"This is Larry Hawkins, …. On the lawn …... Outside your house."

"Extra! Extra! Read all about it for free on our website."

'So...to make a long-story short...In order to make up lost revenue from the tax cut, we'll need to raise taxes.'

'I got all my homework last night. There was a politician on every channel.'

"Your Honor, we feel the trial failed to deliver on its pretrial publicity."

Rachel Maddow

Tsunami Warning: Campaign Funding.

I get all my news from the inernet.'

'Major economic indicators were down, but the government's spin machine said too much 'up' can be a bad sign...'

'There were no scandals, riots, murders or disasters today so the producers decided to cancel the show.'

'Next on News 7...GM offers to bail out the government in the event of a shutdown...'

First Presidential Debate

Britain leaves

Illiteracy Increasing

"I hate this news channel! It's giving me information when what I want is affirmation!"

"I'm watching the presidential debate."

World burying its head in the sand

'This just in from the AMA: New studies reveal that life is bad for you.'

'Showtime!'

'I'm sorry... We seem to be having a problem with our teleprompter.'

"The king is not a fan of anonymous op-eds."

'This is a disgrace! I read about it online!'

"This is your ninety-nine-per-cent-news-free six-o'clock news."