Report Aficionado Pillows

"Not succinct or to the point Ambrose...just how we like it!"

Good report, Morton, work on it a little more until it sounds like one of mine.

"I caution everyone to avoid taking the first field reporter job that comes along."

Oligarchy

"Well, how do things look from where you sit?"

'If only every year was an election year.'

'Let me see your portfolio of stolen ideas.'

'We interrupt this programme for a sex flash.'

"I love it when you use your 'All Things Considered' voice."

'Which sounds better: 'now with MORE XZ100' or 'now with LESS XZ100'?'

Man Reading Laptop.

Fear of news.

'...Next election voters will have a choice of democrat, republican and 'generic'.'

'Just sitting around letting advertisers brainwash me. What about you?'

Pre-Television Man Caves

"Wow. . . is that you, Mr Erdogan. . . Mr Kim Jong-un. . . Mr Putin. . . Mr Maduro. . . Mr. Bin-Salman. . . Mr al-Assad. . ."

"We need to sue, claiming free speech is being violated by remotes with fast forward buttons."

'Hey!! What gives, there's nothing but a bunch of squiggly lines on this newspaper.'

'It's creative as hell! Now that you've got that out of your system, give me a campaign that will sell.'

Bureau to cut back on bureaucratic paperwork...

"...in other news: Google has been admitted to the United Stations..."

"The problem is that our ads have either been too Jewish or not Jewish enough."

"We're looking for the kind of bad taste that will grab - but not appall."

They get into debt so fast these days...

Hang in There Democracy!

"A newspaper has a responsibility to ensure that its readers are fully informed."

Joe Biden

It's 10PM. Do you know who is in control of Pakistan's nukes?

Putin's Mutual Destruction

'Are we watching business news or sports news?'

"Bad news on Wall Street today, as the bottom fell out of the market, the sides collapsed, and the top blew away."

"That's 'Help' with an 'H'."

'It has been revealed that a senior politician will criticise something in a speech. Later they will criticise the opposite of something, just in case.'

You can't fool all of the people all of the time, especially with our advertising budget.

News on TV: 'At last, some good news from Iraq...Saddam's chamber of torture is being converted into a chamber of commerce.'