Report Enthusiast Pillows

'We've all read the report cover to cover. Anyone read all that stuff in the middle?'

'It's the way adults keep score.'

'Sanjay will be giving my report on 'OUTSOURCING'.'

"Here's the feasibility study you wanted, Chief."

News: Deaths! Deaths! Deaths!

'Let's go to our education reporter for more underreporting of school success stories.'

UK border controls relaxed.

"I can't decide what I fear the most, Putin's Russia or Putin's America."

'Greek debt was downgraded for the 11th time this week, by S&P, to P.O.S. Negative Infinity, meaning it's safer to eat uranium, than own Greek debt.'

"Brilliant report, I can't tell where the facts and the fiction begins"

Meet the Enemy

Apart from protest footage I forget what downtown looks like.

"You know what happens when you make good grades? They send you to another school called college."

News Internecine: Murdoch succession battle

"It's about sex and revenge, except for a short chapter on the Continental Congress."

"Are all Brits bisexual, or just the ones who publish their diaries?"

"This just in: one of us always tells lies; the other always tells the truth. Who's who? Stay tuned."

"Heads up! It's another tidal wave of overwrought critical hyperbole!"

Weatherman: "Tonight's weather forecast is confusing, followed tomorrow by downright bewildering."

"Er...nothing much has happened yet today...."

Reporter #6: television.

Idlib, Syria - The final stage

"Hang in there everyone—we promise a cute animal story at the end."

Capital Tours

Trump Destroying U.S. the Postal Service

'Your proposal is written with clarity and conviction. Send it up to legal for obfuscation.'

Bureau to cut back on bureaucratic paperwork...

"Anyone else see weaknesses in my report?"

"I passed the three R's. Now I need some R and R!"

Big Newspaper Delivery

'You've been killing files again.'

'I'm doing a school report on 'the aging process,' Dad -- can I interview you?'

'Bad news on Wall Street. The entire stock market has been downgraded to a 'junk' classification.'

Charades

"I thought those D's meant dedicated!"