News Cynics Pillows

"My wife is a doctor. That's great because I can endure the TV news only under general anesthesia."

"Why don't we switch off the news and give Brexit up for Lent?"

"VP J.D. Vance called Donald: 'cynical asshole,' a 'moral disaster,' a 'total fraud,' an 'idiot,' and suggested he might be 'America’s Hitler.'"

"The news is so fake, the ads are beginning to look honest."

'If I've learned anything, it's believe half of what's in the newspapers, and even less of what's in your e-mail.'

"He really hates all the fake news!!"

"Our intelligencia said we will be outnumbered 100 to one, but that we can hope it's only fake news."

"Taxation with representation hasn't worked out so well." (two men at the US capital talking taxes and politics)

"I'm back from Russia. Putin offered me a Dacha to say he's an honest man."

"If the headline screams catastrophe, but nobody cares to read it, does it still make a sound?"

"Dear, if the news stresses you out so much, turn it off!"

'Confused about your future, depressed, lacking confidence, not sure who you can trust...I'd suggest you avoid any election news and watch modern family instead.'

Social media and privacy

Russian war crimes

"Since I no longer trust the media. I get all my news from hysterical people on the street."

'It says here that most people believe what they read in the papers.'

'Here - The Royal Safety Council said you have to wear this.'

"I've been expecting this...FAKE WEATHER!"

"I'm actually looking forward to age-related hearing loss."

'Why don't you change it to sports or cartoons or something? -- You know CNN just depresses you.'

The Good News, the Media Nothwithstanding

'The market fell today because it needed to fail before it could succeed.'

"What? You were expecting good news? Expectations are so-o-o-o passe."

I Can't Believe It's Not Fake News

The first accurate poll.

"Would you say your politics are middle of the road?"

"I hope they're not fake commandments!"