Media Cynic Pillows

'You don't know what the heck you're talking about! How would you like to be a TV pundit?'

'It's like home from home, really-rubbish telly, lousy grub..'

Warning! The next programme contains no celebrities.

"It's not fair. I'm a celebrity. Half the stuff written about me isn't even true."

"Why don't we switch off the news and give Brexit up for Lent?"

"VP J.D. Vance called Donald: 'cynical asshole,' a 'moral disaster,' a 'total fraud,' an 'idiot,' and suggested he might be 'America’s Hitler.'"

'Everything is illusory? -- Even reality shows?'

Kid arrives with CCTV camera, saying: 'It followed me home, can we keep it?'

"Taxation with representation hasn't worked out so well." (two men at the US capital talking taxes and politics)

"Let's wait for it to come out on cable and then not watch it."

"I'm back from Russia. Putin offered me a Dacha to say he's an honest man."

"Dear, if the news stresses you out so much, turn it off!"

'Confused about your future, depressed, lacking confidence, not sure who you can trust...I'd suggest you avoid any election news and watch modern family instead.'

"Would you say your politics are middle of the road?"

The first accurate poll.

"Oh, the usual bills and a friendly reminder from Satan that there's a special place in Hell reserved just for us, but only if we ACT NOW, blah, blah, blah."

'Oh I've always been a sceptic, through all my past lives.'

"I'd better read the official view before I form an opinion."

Cornucopia Prime

Finally, a news network that doesn't fill me up...it's 97 fact free!

"Son, remember - its possible most politicians lie - it's the American way."

IN CASE OF EMERGENCY: CLEAN UNDERWEAR

"Call me a cockeyed optimist, but I think we can fool all the people all the time!"

"Podcasts, blech. It's like eavesdropping without the intrigue."

Politician's mask

"Am I covered for the brain cell damage caused by your TV commercials?"

"I prefer a politician who is deeply religious but also doesn’t take any of that nonsense seriously."

'Never read it,mate-too much doom and gloom in it!'

"My wife is a doctor. That's great because I can endure the TV news only under general anesthesia."

"Oh my God have you seen this sh-"

"Of course your data isn't really in a cloud. That's almost as silly as thinking your money is actually in this bank."

We value your privacy. . . . . yeah, right.

"How dare you liken me to an Evening Standard journalist?"