News Criticizers Pillows

'You know, I'm really tired of reading news stories -- Let's just chat at random for awhile, okay?'

"See..? We told you there was nothing there..."

'We interrupt this programme for a sex flash.'

Trump Poutine

"We live in the golden age of fake news, alternative facts and spin control. Your resume is too truthful."

"The news is so fake, the ads are beginning to look honest."

Rumors, lies and innuendo.

Learn to Be a Critic In The Privacy Of Your Own Home With The Apex Correspondence School Of Criticism!

'If I've learned anything, it's believe half of what's in the newspapers, and even less of what's in your e-mail.'

"He really hates all the fake news!!"

"Our intelligencia said we will be outnumbered 100 to one, but that we can hope it's only fake news."

"What kind of politician would I be if I didn't politicize this crisis?"

A slow Day on the Rolling News Channel

The National Institute for Advanced Talk-Show Punditry.

"If the headline screams catastrophe, but nobody cares to read it, does it still make a sound?"

"Political cartoons that make people think? Are you crazy? We don't want to distract our readers from the weather forecast, the horoscope and the advertisements!"

"Hot off the wire! In the latest poll, 99% of voters say they will be glad when the election is over... The poll has an error rate of plus or minus 2%."

'Occupy Wall Street protesters?'

"As you can see here - slow the tape, guys - these sparks are coming awfully close to the truck's gas tank, an explosive situation indeed..." Every high speed chase needs a color man.

"Today on the ask Sadie show, we'll be addressing one single topic: 'Wolverine.' Specifically, we'll be talking about how most of you freaks who were obsessed with it for months are no longer talking about it. You people today have the attention span of a chimpanzee!!! That's an average of about 20 seconds, for those of you who still remember what I just said."

"The show's a big hit, but a little too risque. It's not worth the aggravation we're getting from the watchdog groups."

'If they're so darn 'fair and balance,' why are all the reporters people?'

"Tell me again. Is this guy the newsman or the newsmaker?"

"Three years running 'fake news' websites? You're just what we're looking for!"

'You don't know how much it would mean to me if you could just jump.'

"Let him who is without 'spin' cast the first stone."

'Never, Ever...believe everything you read.'

Soap Opera

In doctor's surgery: 'I'm terribly worried, doctor...he doesn't talk back to Bill O'Reilly anymore.'

Virtual interview.