News Criticizers Gifts

'You know, I'm really tired of reading news stories -- Let's just chat at random for awhile, okay?'

"See..? We told you there was nothing there..."

Trump Poutine

'We interrupt this programme for a sex flash.'

"We live in the golden age of fake news, alternative facts and spin control. Your resume is too truthful."

Sport: Crisis in the Real Madrid.

"The news is so fake, the ads are beginning to look honest."

Rumors, lies and innuendo.

Learn to Be a Critic In The Privacy Of Your Own Home With The Apex Correspondence School Of Criticism!

'If I've learned anything, it's believe half of what's in the newspapers, and even less of what's in your e-mail.'

"He really hates all the fake news!!"

"Our intelligencia said we will be outnumbered 100 to one, but that we can hope it's only fake news."

The National Institute for Advanced Talk-Show Punditry.

"Political cartoons that make people think? Are you crazy? We don't want to distract our readers from the weather forecast, the horoscope and the advertisements!"

A slow Day on the Rolling News Channel

"What kind of politician would I be if I didn't politicize this crisis?"

"If the headline screams catastrophe, but nobody cares to read it, does it still make a sound?"

Charlie Beck Loves Austin Beutner

"Hot off the wire! In the latest poll, 99% of voters say they will be glad when the election is over... The poll has an error rate of plus or minus 2%."

"I don't have any opinions, and my wife things whatever Oprah thinks,."

"As you can see here - slow the tape, guys - these sparks are coming awfully close to the truck's gas tank, an explosive situation indeed..." Every high speed chase needs a color man.

"Three years running 'fake news' websites? You're just what we're looking for!"

'If they're so darn 'fair and balance,' why are all the reporters people?'

Victims of War

'You don't know how much it would mean to me if you could just jump.'

"Tell me again. Is this guy the newsman or the newsmaker?"

The No-Spin Zone: Fox news( hurricane ).

"The show's a big hit, but a little too risque. It's not worth the aggravation we're getting from the watchdog groups."

'Occupy Wall Street protesters?'

"Today on the ask Sadie show, we'll be addressing one single topic: 'Wolverine.' Specifically, we'll be talking about how most of you freaks who were obsessed with it for months are no longer talking about it. You people today have the attention span of a chimpanzee!!! That's an average of about 20 seconds, for those of you who still remember what I just said."

You know what I like best about fake news, Randy? It can be crazy and have shady sources and be obviously nothing but nonsense, and it'll still be believed. Like that fake story about Saddam Hussein and those weapons of mass destruction and stuff. Fake news is only "fake news" if it's not from people who say they're real news. You can't tell me Wolf Blitzer's beard is real.

Soap Opera

Note to viewers: We've cut back on sexual content by replacing it with violence.

"This is like the time you had me sell water as a 'diet drink'."

Virtual interview.