News Consumption Gifts

"I trust this site to tell the truth."

'How did you cope before 24-hour rolling gossip?'

'I'd like a newspaper with no car, house or mobile phone adverts in it.'

'I'm all for recycling newspapers, but I don't go for this printing a new paper directly on top of the old one.'

"We'll return to non-stop never-ending breaking news after this commercial message..."

"Shall we watch your fake news or mine?"

"It makes me happy that you took time to read the newspaper today."

'Only mindless sheep watch Fox News!'

'Read ALL about IT! On ALL your !!#@X!! fancy Modern-day electronic devices,YA CHEAPSKATES!!'

'Bradley doesn't actually watch television -- he views it with alarm.'

LIBERAL MEDIA POLLS, 'Do you think President Obama is doing a great job, a wonderful job, or an absolutely terrific job?'

'Now I KNOW it's insulting my intelligence!'

'Read ALL about IT! In other BETTER Newspapers!'

Balancing Digital and Paper News

Woman Feeds Her Husband Through the Morning Paper.

"Elections, elections, elections! I'm sick of it! If I could vote, I'd vote for someone who would ban nonstop coverage of elections."

Print Media

"Honey, quick! Look at this — CNN is showing actual news!"

"We have met the enemy and he is the media."

"The Sunday New York Times — Shredded edition"

"You doomscroll, I make coffee, and together we forge bravely into each new day."

The Future: "Sorry, but I have to show you an ad now."

'In its new 'spirit of evenhandedness,' the U. S. Government today sent troops to occupy all foreign countries....'

"Unfortunately, once the child contracts Pokémon, he lives with it forever."

'Mighty strange weather tonight, followed by downright weird tomorrow....'

'Buying the inflight entertainment system was a great idea of yours, Dear...'

'Today the stock market was moribund, as growth equities sputtered and bonds dipped due to the inverted yield curve. I'd translate that into layman's terms...but they don't pay me enough.'

'There's nothing on.'

Cellphone Islands

Proud of herself for "never owning a tv" Emily watches eight episodes of a mediocre tv show on her laptop while in bed.

A tourist watches a television on the back of a donkey

TV-Man

"Analysts warn that computerization of the villages won't give the expected results!"

"I'm going to miss it when they stop warning us"

"We'd better stock up on TV snacks in the event of war."