News Breaker Gifts

'Find out why the media is assembling outside our building.'

Comcast Takeover

How the LA Times Fired Me for the LAPD (Part 1 of 3)

Ernie McKelvey, moments before his life is touched by scandal.

'Any other suggestions on how we can increase circulation besides a swimsuit edition?'

"Surely this is fake news? You can't be that old?"

Medical Marijuana: Take a toke before watching the news.

"Was the perpetrator an immigrant? No? Damn. . . do immigrants live in his neighbourhood? Has he ever been abroad? No? Rats. . . Wait! Does he like garlic? Yes? Great!! Let's print the story!!!"

'Let's not go by the book.'

Squeezing the Free Press.

'No swimming. No breathing.'

"The economy always seems to be recovering, but it never recovers."

"Now we move over to the sports desk."

Yet another law of the jungle: 'Absolutely NO howling at the moon after 11 PM!

I will not talk in art class. I will not talk in art class. I will not talk in art class. I will not in art class. I will not talk in art class.

Woman's Support Group: No Bra, No Griddle, No Service.

"Analysts warn that computerization of the villages won't give the expected results!"

Man Reading Laptop.

"Sorry, Rick, but no thongs means no thongs."

"I'm going to miss it when they stop warning us"

'In Show and Tell today, I showed my birthmark! I got expelled!'

'I shoulda told you guys. . . Marmaduke makes up his own rules as we go along.'

'No, you can't use your last wish, to wish for another three wishes!'

Walk or don't. You're a grown man. Make your own decisions.

To attract a bigger audience, the world chess federation allow fans to distract an opponent when it's his move.

"Worst breach of corporate dress code I've ever witnessed."

'Don't be so dramatic and get into my office!'

"You may inflict pain, but it mustn't be severe or prolonged."

"Reports that AI is planning a world takeover are greatly exaggerated."

2020 Swiss barmy knife

'Hey, hey, hey!'

'Read that last part back to me.'

"And now, since our local teams really stink, here are scores for actual good teams around the country that you might want to root for."

Rejuvenile Delinquents.

'You haven't heard the best thing. . .no referees.'