Newbie Groomer Gifts

Grooming for beginners.

"I groom all day and still look like a baboon."

'Something for the weekend, Sir?'

"Renk just discovered beard oil."

Use the body brush vigorously - he will enjoy it.

'You can't be serious! They wash you by dipping you in a tub of water! That's horrible!'

"Don't shave it. It gives your face character."

Lesser known greek gods,

Owner Looks Like Poodle.

Dating is so expensive...

'The siege is working my lord. They have food and water but no beard oil. I reckon they will surrender in 12 hours or less'

Emergency Hipster Beard

"Be creative...!"

"Absolutely not!"

A daily rubdown with a beard brush will wrangle awkward bristles and train them downwards...

'Wrinkles can't breathe in mud.'

"Face it, Clive - you're bald."

'We've got a special this week on nose hairs!'

"Do you have any of that after shave that makes me look like Brad Pitt?"

Movember

"Dear Diary: Today I ate, groomed, napped. Ate, groomed, napped. Ate, groomed, napped ... HAIRBALL!!"

"Nice haircut."

"I'm not saying your after shave smells bad, but.. maybe you should use one mosquitoes don't like so much!"

"You're fortunate. Stubble looks really good on you."

"It's really quite simple: Shave off the soul patch and the car is yours."

The Cat Spa

'Done the first, now shower, shave.' - The bear essentials.

'...so I simply combined my love of beards with my love of tattoos and this was the result!'

"Same goash-darn thing every full moon, eh, Mr. Harper?"

'Straight eye for the queer guy.'

'Have you had a brazilian?'

Hair Traffic control.

'Reach up and fold down into Uttanasa.' - 'Notice how you feel both physically and spiritually.' - 'Physically, I feel that my toenails are a bit too long.' - 'Hmmm... okay, what about spiritually?'

"Would the gentleman care for a razor and comb to start?"

'So how do you manage such a close shave?' 'Simple,i wait till the very last second.'