New Pet Possessor Gifts

'How am I going to tell him he's no longer my best friend?'

Bitchbark Canoe

"Fish needs a bigger bowl."

"Did I hear the dog in here?"

'So far, I've taught him to fetch.'

"Actually, make that a double cream."

Knock on the door - dog stands up and shouts 'Beat it!'

"Foster failure"

'My bark may be worse than my bite, but I've got a whine that will drive you up a wall!'

"Cat box"

"A squirrel, impressive! I'm still chasing a stick."

'That was fun!'

Dog Dreams

"Cheery little flowers, saying good night, saying good morning!"

"Can I keep them? I found him on the internet?"

Cat Nip.

"I wrote this next song about my cat. It's called 'Please stop rubbing your face against my computer screen when I'm trying to watch Narcos.'"

"Live in the sunshine, swim in the sea, drink in the wild air." — Ralph Waldo Emerson "Catch tennis balls in the mouth." — Me

"The following programme contains scenes of a very noisy vacuum cleaner."

'Why can't my walks be that fun?'

'He's the one who needs obedience training!'

"That’s great, but where’s the Frisbee?!"

A man and his dog

God putting the finishing touches to the Pug.

"Maureen Alsop is leaving her magnolia, and her delphinium and her cats with us this weekend."

Pet Shop: "I think I've found one for me."

Foster failure

'Oh, really?... I'm actually more of a dog person.'

Boy bringing home an octopus in a fish bowl.

"Bungle the flip! Bungle the flip!"

Happy.

"I'm beginning to think that buy one, get one free is not always a good thing."

Family with pets.

Couple sitting in living room reading books while dog reads a book with a cat shaped cover.

'Why Sally, you look so fetching with that stick!'