New Parent Navigators Pillows

3 days without an accident.

'We mustn't frighten the new baby...'

Impracticle Guide to Having Babies

'Let me know when you reach the saturation point.'

"Oh, Mrs. Horris, he just said his first words..!"

'Change is inevitable, espeically when you have a newborn in diapers."

'You change him, and I'll change the tire.'

'This is Tyler; he's mommy's precious little feral-angel.'

'How many fingers do you see?'

'sugar and spice my eye.'

"Why, Mr. Larsen! We were about ready to give up on you."

'I almost get out the door and then my mom yells...'Don't you know it's February?!' And here I am again...looking like an eskimo.'

Constructing your own prison!

'You can go home today, but we'd like to run a few more tests on your husband.'

'I didn't get the Owners Manual. I thought you got the Owners Manual.'

"Me? I thought you were raising them."

"There's got to be an easier way to lie around the house."

Mono-Tasking, Multi-Tasking, No-No Tasking and Nada Tasking.

'Turn everything off...we've sprung a leak!'

Babies

'I feel much safer living in a gated community.'

"I think this end is loaded."

"This baby will hold more than a hundred and twenty-five cubic feet of family rancor."

'I don't get it! Not one of these books gives the same advice TWICE!

Mother's Day: 2nd Sunday in May, Others Day: Every day before and after the 2nd Sunday in May.

"Will you turn that TV down? Can't you see I'm on the phone?"

"I have the kids Friday, Saturday, and Sunday. She has them Monday, Tuesday, and Wednesday. Thursday they're free-range.

"No, we're not there yet because your father refuses to ask for directions!"

'Would you like me to have a word with educational psychologist about Julie?'

"It took some figuring, but I think I figured out how to handle a temperamental teenager."

"I couldn't find the off switch."

'Sleeping like a baby'

Triplets

"He fights me when I tell him to take a nap. When I reword it and say go reboot, he doesn't have a problem."

"Why do they tell us not to be childish? We're only nine!"