New Parent Navigator Pillows

'I really don't like breast-feeding, but it's really good therapy for her.'

Triplets

"Oh, Mrs. Horris, he just said his first words..!"

What is rhythm & blues?. . . Natural birth control.

"Awww....someone's done a pooping in their pants. How cute?"

"You be the moral grandstander and I'll be the politically incorrect troll."

'Change is inevitable, espeically when you have a newborn in diapers."

'You change him, and I'll change the tire.'

"Seminary didn't prepare me for this."

Impracticle Guide to Having Babies

"I'm taking 'moving back in with the parents' studies."

'And you're sure you handed the baby to me?'

"Why, Mr. Larsen! We were about ready to give up on you."

"Funny, I don't remember signing up for this."

'sugar and spice my eye.'

'I almost get out the door and then my mom yells...'Don't you know it's February?!' And here I am again...looking like an eskimo.'

"My inner child feels threatened by my inner baby."

'How many fingers do you see?'

'You can go home today, but we'd like to run a few more tests on your husband.'

Constructing your own prison!

'I didn't get the Owners Manual. I thought you got the Owners Manual.'

'Our computer responds to voice commands, but our kids don't.'

"You're six years old and I'm your mother! - I'm SUPPOSED to impose my moral standards on you!"

'Turn everything off...we've sprung a leak!'

"There's got to be an easier way to lie around the house."

Mono-Tasking, Multi-Tasking, No-No Tasking and Nada Tasking.

"...Mom, can you get me a glass of wine?"

"This baby will hold more than a hundred and twenty-five cubic feet of family rancor."

"I think this end is loaded."

'I don't get it! Not one of these books gives the same advice TWICE!

"Will you turn that TV down? Can't you see I'm on the phone?"

"No, we're not there yet because your father refuses to ask for directions!"

"I couldn't find the off switch."

"It took some figuring, but I think I figured out how to handle a temperamental teenager."

'Would you like me to have a word with educational psychologist about Julie?'