New Parent Explorer Pillows

Constructing your own prison!

"Haven't been there, haven't done that."

"Well, I'm thinking about boarding school. Though I'm not sure they accept adults."

"Oh, Mrs. Horris, he just said his first words..!"

Impracticle Guide to Having Babies

'Hey Kiddo, I think we'll have to stop to change your nappy...'

'I almost get out the door and then my mom yells...'Don't you know it's February?!' And here I am again...looking like an eskimo.'

Impractical Guide to Having Babies: This is solids?

'She just came down the stairs without walking.'

Maternity ward.

"It's not often you see a sign that is both instructional and inspirational."

Going into the relationship, Tom knew Loretta was a package deal.

'I never know how much to leave for lunch.'

"You have the right to remain silent, anytime you cry can be used against you...."

'I don't get it! Not one of these books gives the same advice TWICE!

Doctor Tries to Explain Breast Feeding

"Broken childcare promises make me mad."

"I'm so tired: Joey was tossing and turning in his sleep the whole night and kept waking me up..."

At the modern antenatal class.

"It took some figuring, but I think I figured out how to handle a temperamental teenager."

They hadn't realised how much having a baby would affect their sex lives.

"At first it was difficult having a new baby. But now I'm doing fine!"

'Well, Mr. 'Let's get him a fish they're no trouble at all,' you're on.'

Triplets

"Woohoo, we have have overcome the wave!"

"Why do they tell us not to be childish? We're only nine!"

'Wait, breathe or don't breathe? Oh jeez, why did I have to sleep through Lamaze class?'

"Her phone has parental controls, but I have to ask her how to use them."

My wife had quads

'I have this recurring nightmare. Mum's so engorged she can't get out of bed to feed me.'

"Awww....someone's done a pooping in their pants. How cute?"

"I handled his last adventure. You take this one."

"Mom wasn't impressed with my suggestion that we 'agree to disagree'."

'Of course I know what he wants when he cries. He wants you.'

'We should've just dropped off our lists and taken our chances. But no, you had to bring a lawyer into the negotiations.'