New Parent Explorers Pillows

'I don't get it! Not one of these books gives the same advice TWICE!

"Well, I'm thinking about boarding school. Though I'm not sure they accept adults."

"Oh, Mrs. Horris, he just said his first words..!"

"It's a boy, but that's a common one so don't get too excited."

Impracticle Guide to Having Babies

'Hey Kiddo, I think we'll have to stop to change your nappy...'

"Seminary didn't prepare me for this."

Impractical Guide to Having Babies: This is solids?

'She just came down the stairs without walking.'

Constructing your own prison!

Pubertry

Going into the relationship, Tom knew Loretta was a package deal.

'Go forth and multiply!'

'I never know how much to leave for lunch.'

"Broken childcare promises make me mad."

"You have the right to remain silent, anytime you cry can be used against you...."

"I'm so tired: Joey was tossing and turning in his sleep the whole night and kept waking me up..."

"At first it was difficult having a new baby. But now I'm doing fine!"

'What do you mean you're going into labor, dear? It's only Saturday. Can't you wait 'til Monday?'

'I'm sure this is the right exit .'

They hadn't realised how much having a baby would affect their sex lives.

"Your baby's fussiness, whining, and general discontent isn't anything to worry about. It should clear up on its own in about 18 years."

'Well, Mr. 'Let's get him a fish they're no trouble at all,' you're on.'

Nope, not how you change her diaper.

Triplets

'Wait, breathe or don't breathe? Oh jeez, why did I have to sleep through Lamaze class?'

'Please try to understand...I appreciate all that you have done for me and I love you both very much...But, I must try to find my biological parents.'

"Haven't been there, haven't done that."

'I have this recurring nightmare. Mum's so engorged she can't get out of bed to feed me.'

My wife had quads

'Stork? No way! You were pulled out of a magician's hat!'

"Any chance I could put myself up for adoption?"

"Awww....someone's done a pooping in their pants. How cute?"

'Of course I know what he wants when he cries. He wants you.'

3 days without an accident.