New Mom Mentor Gifts

''D' is for 'Despair'; 'E' is for 'Exhaustion'.'

"I see that he is growing as fast as your law firm."

Cry babies.

'I've had some baby sized clubs made.'

'You call it a bra. I call it excess packaging.'

"You mustn't pull the cat's tail so hard it tugs the head inside, sweetie!"

“They tease us for going together, but little do they know this is where we gather to plan the dismantling of the patriarchy.”

Mother Nature

"It's so nice to finally put a face to the name."

'...and remember, son, never throw up on an old carpet...wait until they get a new one!'

Fitness Programme for babies

'We found you in a cabbage!'

"You know what they say, there's one born every minute!"

"What is it? You're not wet or hungry. Mommy's not a mind reader. OK, I am, but I've never been very good at it."

'The dripping keeps me awake!'

'Cracked nipple? But I didn't even drop you.'

"With the baby-cam, there is no privacy."

"I want to have at least two children - I have too much guilt to give for just one."

"Underwater Childbirth Ward."

'Ugh Not Again!'

'Have a heart, officer... the little mite is starving!'

Breastfeeding: Good Design Council

Kids really do make you view the world from a different perspective...I'm on the floor, behind the couch, under the bed...

Moms gone wild

'The Fashionable Mamma, or The Convenience of Modern Dress'

"I'm sure he wasn't that big when we went out

'Oh wonderful! All day I've been waiting for that burp!'

'This is a rarity in today's world. No corporate sponsorship signs in here.'

'All I want for Christmas is my old shape back again.'

"The main skill you need in parenting, is the ability to surreptitiously eat chocolate."

Baby At The Entrance Of The Maze Of Life

"Listen up and listen up good, 'cause I'm only going to say this a million times."

'It's all right, miss, I'm only loking for our cricket-ball!'