New Kid On The Barrister Block Pillows

A barrister with his first brief

"Do you want to pretend to be a doctor and I'll pretend to be a hotshot civil litigation attorney who sues you till your ears bleed?"

"We've decided that it will be better for his later development if we speak to him only in legalese."

'We never should have bought him that little lawyer kit. Suddenly, everything I ask him to do is capricious or arbitrary.'

'First, I'd like to list the mitigating circumstances.'

'At first I was grounded, but my lawyer was able to plea bargain it down to 30 minutes in the Time Out Chair.'

"Petting, fetching, receiving belly rubs . . . It all adds to your billable hours."

Judge about dancing lawyer: 'When you get to the second stanza of this song and dance, please approach the bench.'

Judge to attorneys in courtroom wearing boxing gloves: 'Looks like you're both ready for your opening arguments, gentlemen?'

"In view of the new evidence, my client would like to change his plea to 'guilty-ish', M'Lud."

"This is the little league. You can't negotiate a signing bonus"

'Okay, let's negotiate. Just how good do I have to be?'

Make good decisions!

Playing Doctors.

So you'd like to be a lawyer...

"Attention, please. At 8:45 A.M. on Tuesday, July 29, 2008, you are all scheduled to take the New York State Bar Exam."

"I don't mind your acting as your own attorney, but would you please stop hopping on and off that damned chair?"

"It's non-negotiable."

'Good thing we're not litigious.'

Statue of a lawyer

'I'm on my way to court. What tie goes well with a guilty plea?'

Can you tell me how to sue you for flunking me out of law school?

"I'd like to represent myself. . . though what as, I haven't yet decided."

'Relax, baby, and pay no attention to that old man behind you.'

"Ignorance of the law is no excuse, especially when you're majoring in Law."

'We're think Law, since he can already read fine print at a college level.'

"Who do you want to sue when you grow up?"

Do you come here often? May I buy you a brief?

"Who's a good witness."

'When I offered the bribe, Your Honor, I was just being polite.'

"Don't judge my client by the covers of the books he reads."

'I don't believe in pressuring my son. When the time is right, he'll arrive at the universal default choice and apply to law school.'

"We spent our everything putting John through law school. Fortunately, he's a bankruptcy attorney."

'his closing argument is not going well.'

'I'd like to go to law school, but I guess I'm destined to become a frog.'