Networking Consultant Gifts

'I don't understand. You've wasted the whole interview going on and on about what you know... I think you'd better start telling me who you know.'

Bob tried networking – and crashed it.

"Opportunity came knocking once, but I missed it. I was expecting a tweet."

'We're paying you to network, not roam around getting laid!'

'The wheel was great, but what have you done for me lately?'

'If I had to use one word to describe our strategy.'

"Remember the golden rule: more buzzwords, less real words."

'And were there a point to your proposal, Henderson - What would it be?'

'It's only a hunch, but I think everybody bought everything they needed, last time.'

"Stock options for your thoughts."

The Businessmen Have to Make Decisions from Many Options

"I'm afraid 'It's a surprise', doesn't cut it as a growth strategy."

'I'm Jeremy's father. I'm a computer consultant and I'm unemployed.'

'This is a 'placebo' line. It serves no purpose but it makes us feel good.'

'Very impressive educational background...now let's discuss WHO you know.!

"The report is clear that cyber crime is on the increase, it's a worry."

"...but the big question is, does the competition know that we don't know what we don't know?"

Time Is Money

'Gentlemen, we need a slogan!'

'With the increase in hacking, the I.T. department has proposed sealing all of our data in blister packs.'

Networking

'An exxpert team set up a team of special consultants, that then set up a committee whose members asked their 7 year old kids. Now 14 months later they've concluded we're not efficient enough.'

"Hire a cost cutting, bad-guy consultant to turn me into a good guy during the layoffs."

"Give a man a fish and you feed him for the day. Teach a man to fish and you can charge a consulting fee."

Personally, I was hoping for more from the intermediary process.'

'Is this the new input device?'

"The anger management consultant said he wasn't going to alter his **** dates at this t****stage which fits in with the 'managing change' consultant who said it was to late to change her plans..."

'I bought him to retrieve my e-mails.'

"Now I'll demonstrate how, with a minimum of capital investment, you can make a mountain out of a molehill!"

"I was going to have my people call his people, but I’m pretty sure his people have Caller I.D."

"I don't think the guy with the business-card cannon has ever been to an actual networking event,"

"Remember, if I can't introduce you it's because I can't remember their name - so that's when you step in and introudce yourself so we can get them to say it, okay?" - Company Party Prep.

Network Extending from Buttonhole

'Remember, Henson; we're not here to hobnob - we're here to schmooze.'

"A few years ago, you management gurus told us to downsize until the halls echoed..."