Networking Averse Gifts

'Next time you feel like keeping in touch, keep in touch with somebody else.'

The anti-social network: 'Hey Jeffrey...I need help setting up my dad's anti-social network.'

People who work-from-home, annual get together.

"Still no offers - sometimes I think I'm the only one using this site."

Look, dork, I won't ask again. Will you help me use a computer? Maybe. What for? Internet Scrabble. I hear it is possible to play – what is the word? Online? I should like to send data over cyberspace. Through cyberspace.

'Our church funds seem to be in the computer cloud of unknowing.'

Snoozed when I should have schmoozed.

"You'll soon get the hang of the simple Linex 3968X with 4936.." Norman began to think he might be better suited to a career in double glazing."

'I'd join Twitter, but I'm worried I'll make a hash of it.'

After two years on zooms, Arthur was having trouble coping with face to face networking again. . .

"Yes! I'm THE Britney Spears... I was named 'Britney Spears' first so that makes me THE the."

"Get names!"

All dressed up and nowhere to hide.

Absent Friends Reunited.

'So I looked at your Facebook page...oh man...there's no way you're getting this job!'

'I hate networking.'

"It's not what you know, it's who you know." "Either way, I'm starting from scratch."

"Well, you call it note-passing and whispering. We call it networking."

'The professor can read hieroglyphics on ruins and in tombs but he can't read text messages on his cell phone.'

My gran's on facebook!

Pizza. I found the remote but now I can't find the TV.

'Unaccustomed as I am to public tweeting ... '

"Hi, I'm Dr. Jenkins." "Nice to meet you. I'm Bachelor of Science Johnson."

"It happens every time we get a new piece of equipment...He won't invest the time to study the instructions and it ends in disaster."

"My comfort zone is some distance away from the brink but close enough to see competitors go over it."

"Flicker-Flash Johnson."

"I didn't know the 'old boys' network had a website."

'I listen to Peter Jennings, MacNeil/Lehrer and Elsie here.'

this gismo has cut all my meetings 50 percent

'Letters, letters, letters - why can't you learn to text?'

"Back already? How was the networking thing?"

"I'm terrible with names, and even worse with faces."

"Having a banking app does not count as 'contacts in the banking industry'."

Social Networking .

Meet Jim, you've a lot in common...he's an insufferable bore as well...