Neighborly Gatherings Gifts

How does she get her grass so green?

"Whenever he shows up everything turns to crap!"

"First I drink, then I barbecue — that's my secret."

The prying mantis,

Illustration from an Unpublished Novel

The devil you know and his plus one

Every time you make a blend, somewhere, a wine maker dies.

"Bark bark bark bark bark" "Fwd: bark bark bark bark bark" "Fwd: fwd: bark bark bark bark bark" "Fwd: fwd: fwd: bark bark bark bark"

"Is there any way I can un-drink this wine?"

"I think I'm having pre-traumatic stress disorder."

"It's kind of sweet when they're all settled in like this."

"Pssst! I had some CGI done."

Miniature Cattle Fanciers

'Sure, I'm a working mother - is there any other kind?'

'The Ambassador will not be pleased, Madame.'

I've been looking forward to this the whole year: It can get lonely out there...

'Henderson always walks away with the neighborhood pumpkin carving contest.'

Convention for People Who Like to Attend Conventions.

When I said, "Let the good times roll," I didn't mean to let go of the keg.

"That sister of yours sure has some nerve asking for those leftovers - we earned them."

'I don't think we're devoted to the Lord. I think we're devoted to dessert.'

Midwest Winter Items.

Playing cards.

"You're doing fine - don't watch your feet."

Shall I be mother?

'I'm sorry, he likes to let off wind after dinner.'

"God help us, it's that guy."

"I rushed here from surgery. I didn't have time to get into costume."

"I said 'neighborhood watch'; they said 'peeping Tom.' "

'Do you realize he barked all last night?'

"That's where the tenured faculty members hang out."

"Well, what a coincidence, Jeff's in vermin control too!"

'Everyone here likes a big band, right?'

'When I first saw here I thought I'd died and gone to heaven, but not with beer at these prices!'

"This is it, everybody. Jack and Harriet Schroeder sing Harold Arlem."